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Motherhood Is Not Easy

February 24, 2013 by Jaimi Erickson 9 Comments

Ready to have the ENERGY to be the best mom you can be? Get started! Thanks for stopping by!

Welcome back! Did you already get started here?

Motherhood is not easy. If you are feeling depressed as a mom or post-partum depression, this is for you.
Exhausted, over-stretched, grasping to figure out if I was a successful mom that day. Of course, I never feel that way on just one day.

 

“Things worth doing are never easy” comes to mind when I think of being a mother, but the bad days can get very draining. We could let ourselves view motherhood as a sentence rather than a celebration.

After weaning my second child from breastfeeding, I had some time where I could definitely feel my emotions and hormones going crazy; they were dragging me into a depressed state. My body had a major adjustment to go through. I felt so sad and did not know why.

I was in the living room folding laundry. The kids were playing upstairs. In that moment I felt this wave of sadness and lack of self-worth flow through me.

It was scary. My mood changed and I wanted to run and hide, but I know those two kids needed me around. I felt this hand on my shoulder holding me steady so I didn’t need to run. I knew I had to take a moment to focus on the blessing of my children and husband. The blessing of our home and my work as a mother.

Right then and there, I needed a reality check, and luckily my husband came home from work at just the right time.

There are still days when my life gets a little too busy, or I start to want things that I do not need, and I get out of balance. My emotions get out of whack and I find myself wanting to run from my life as a mom.

I do not think that the baby blues are only reserved for immediately after the baby is born. I have to force myself to re-focus on my children and husband daily. I have to keep my priorities in focus. I have to rely on faith.

Children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord.

Psalm 127:3, CEV
Our children need our time. Needs must be met. We can’t ignore them.

 

Think about the postpartum depression implications: When our body is wired to care for our child, our hormones make our body ache when we are apart, separation for long days on a regular basis can put our body in a state of imbalance. That can be stressful and lead to depression.

 

Children need their parents and in the early years, in particular, they need close contact with their mothers. For SAHMs, depression can stem from the pressures we feel from society and from our own internal pressure to be the ‘perfect’ mom.

 

According to The Bump blog postpartum depression is on the rise for women starting at six weeks after delivery. The 6-week mark is when many moms have to return to work due to the end of maternity leave.

 

The article provided good information about skin-to-skin contact being important, and possibly even a “cure,” for postpartum depression. Think of the basics of nature: when we give birth, hormones in our body control the emotions within us and NEED us to be near our babies to be at the correct levels. That’s what stimulates breastfeeding.

 

Our babies have a definite need for our presence-food, comfort, warmth. When our head tells us it is time to separate and our body needs to stay close (because our precious baby needs us close), the conflict begins. See my previous post The Female Brain-Part 1: Mothers and Children, for more on that.

 

If you have felt depressed or overwhelmed by motherhood, you are not alone! We moms can create and sustain life! That’s huge!! We are bound to feel depressed when the work we do gets challenging. We are charged with the most important work on the planet.

 

There is a lot of weight on our shoulders after we have a baby. The challenges of motherhood-what we deal with every day-are tough and many. It can make the most patient of us want to run away. But, what we need to do in these situations is: Serve where God needs us most…do what only we were created to do.

 

We need to focus on being moms and wives. (Pint-sized Treasures blog said it well here.) Motherhood has to be a priority-both in time and mental attention. God has called us to raise our children the best way we can, just by blessing us with them.

 

They are a blessing even if some nights we have to work hard to remember that! 

 

There is so much pressure to achieve all of our personal goals while we are very young AND raise a family at the same time.

 

There is pressure to keep our emotions in perfect balance so we do not explode.

 

There is stress to give quality AND quantity at the same time to our children.

 

There is pressure to meet societal goals for women even if they are not the best for allowing us to care for our families.

 

We are trying to carry a lot on our shoulders.  

 

If we just layer on the responsibilities, paint a pretty picture by not recognizing when we are over-stretched, we will hit a wall. The combination of what women are encouraged to take on is a recipe for depression.
“A false balance is abomination to the LORD: but a just weight is his delight” 
Proverbs 11:1, KJV
The above verse is perfect for this topic, because these days when motherhood gets tough, we are often encouraged to give it up to a babysitter or caregiver, to take a break, get some time to ourselves while our family is in chaos mode.

 

We need to get back to the basics of focusing on what is a ‘need’ and what is a ‘want’ in our day-to-day life, and in the lives of our children. We need to carry the “just weight” and shed the idea that balance is easy to achieve.

 

Trying to do more than we possibly can in a 24-hour period of time can get us off track from what is important and can make us feel inadequate when we are not.

 

All moms can relate to feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, and stressed. You are not alone!

We are keeping human beings alive and teaching them to thrive! That is hard work, and it is the most important work we will do in our lives. 

God has given our children to us for their life to teach them. He has also given us to our children. It is a perfect balance if we let it be by keeping His mission for us intact and not getting sidetracked and over stretched by trying to live up to worldly ideals.

No one can do it all, and we should not be sacrificing our children in our attempts to try to make it all work.

What has made you feel challenged in motherhood? Did you/Do you experience any postpartum depression? What helps you re-balance? 

Motherhood is not easy. If you are feeling depressed as a mom or post-partum depression, this is for you.
This post is featured in A Complete Guide for Stay-at-Home Moms: When You Need Encouragement

 

More posts about how important you are as a mom:
 
Building A Family is Work

 

Confessions and Clarifications

Stop Saying Being a Mom is Hard
{over at Mom’s Mustard Seeds blog}

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Enjoy your time at home!

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Filed Under: faith, motherhood, motivation Tagged With: balance, balance in motherhood, mom guilt, postpartum depression, SAHM, WAHM, working mom

Comments

  1. Anonymous says

    March 20, 2015 at 9:56 am

    Dear Jaimi, Thank you for the articles you write. They encouraged me today! My son is 8 months old and a big and strong baby (which made the delivery a long and traumatic experience). But on days when I feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of being a mother, I should focus on the 'needs' and not on the 'wants' as you frase it.
    In the first half year, I had help from a psychologist, specialised in woman who gave birth. What helped me the most was that she said; yes, you've had a hard time. And not pointing out that 'it will be okay' all the time. It's good to hear that parenting is hard now and then, so you don't think you're the only one (and feeling a failure)!
    I wondered why God put such a heavy weight on my shoulders. But I really have to keep focussing on what God gave me to carry and what I added myself. God is good and merciful. And being a mom is a blessing. Thank you for reminding me 🙂
    Greets, Ineke (from The Netherlands)

    Reply
    • Jaimi says

      March 24, 2015 at 6:29 pm

      I love how you said what God gave you to carry and what you added had to be figured out. That is a brilliant way of looking at achieving balance-is it what we want or what God needs from us? I pray that you will continue to feel like a successful mom! You are right that sometimes we just need someone to say, "Yep, you are having a tough day. That was hard to deal with." It can feel dismissive to hear, "It will pass," eventhough we know that is that case. Thanks for sharing!

      Reply
  2. Anonymous says

    November 7, 2013 at 1:47 am

    I'm glad that down feeling only lasted a week for you. It took my hormones 3 MONTHS to adjust. No joke. I really wondered if I was going to end up on anti depressants. Strangely enough, what ended up helping was a combination of B vitamins and fish oil. Odd, but I had read about another mom who had used that successfully and it worked for me too.
    (Been wandering around your site today. I really like your toddler ideas! My daughter is 18 months. 🙂 )

    Reply
    • Jaimi says

      March 24, 2015 at 6:26 pm

      I am so glad that you shared that with me. Any moms reading this can talk with their doctors and possibly try what you did. You may help another mother through a difficult time! Enjoy your child!

      Reply

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“To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.” “To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.” - Audrey Hepburn

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What are you thankful for today? 

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Today’s schooling looked a bit like this. 💕 L Today’s schooling looked a bit like this. 💕 Library, reading, painting the toy that came in the kids meal, reading time, and calm. 

When I think about my homeschool style (aka structure) it has definitely evolved over the years. I never really researched a style until today actually. 😂 What I found was, we started as Traditional - workbook-based learning. Then I added Unit Studies to our Traditional structure. Now we naturally have shifted to a more Charlotte Mason + Unit Study approach for some subjects and Traditional approach for a few subjects (math most specifically). 

Flexibility keeps our interest. Plus learning never stops.

Today our day began with a visit to our library. When we got home the kids all found a spot and were so quietly reading I did not want to shift gears! So I didn’t. 

There was reading, eating, drawing, painting, and so much quiet you guys I just had to let the kids go with this. My brain was soaking in the peacefulness.

When I started homeschooling, I would have never thought that a day like this would make me feel successful. It feels so good to have reached this point. 

When days happen like today, it feels pretty much like magic. 

What is your style if you homeschool? If not, what style would most appeal to your family?
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You know what’s funny? I took this pic not even You know what’s funny? I took this pic not even noticing what random things were out of place. 😅 Perfect for this post today. 👇

Motherhood is a juggling act. We try to seek balance and be joyful, but kids, husband, house, our needs and wants all pull us in different directions.

We worry that if we drop one ball they all will come crashing down! We are busy, yet not feeling productive many days. The line between needs and wants become blurred.

Attempting to keep it all organized is overwhelming. 

We tend to define balance with images in magazines, snapshots of other moms who are
having a together day when we are not, or elaborate spring cleaning tasks that sound great and get pinned but ultimately leave us feeling even deeper in frustration when we do not complete them.

*****
Balance is not a place where you go and never ever again feel a bump in the road.

Balance is an on-going, always changing, never finished job. 

*****

If you feel out of balance today, you are just in the process of working your way back to it. 

If today was a great day, prepare yourself now because the scale may tilt and things may feel out of your control tomorrow. #reallife

It is not easy to cut things from our calendars or limit our focus each day. I feel that struggle so much. My whole family needs and deserves my time and attention. I am constantly in a state of re-balance, and making attempts to re-organize, as I attempt to balance four children and a husband.

That requires a lot of humility, prayers for God’s peace in my life, and relieving myself of any guilt for not doing it all every day.

Do you see the items out of place in this pic or are you focused on the beauty within it? 😉💕

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#AD Today was hard! School took longer than expect #AD Today was hard! School took longer than expected, grocery shopping got pushed back, and I am soaking up my time to get quiet and pray it all away. 

I have discovered simple, quick ways to feel refreshed staying at home. With four kids, homeschooling and military life I can not just get a break when I feel I need it. 

These ideas have helped me feel rejuvenated in small moments even when I can not get out of the house to have a break.

One of the simplest ways to recharge is with a good old hot shower. I think it pretty much cures mom overwhelm and stress. I always planned my showers around the kids’ quiet times. That way I could take my time.

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I put together a helpful list of ways to help us moms feel refreshed.

They are simple actions we can take to care for ourselves each day. I even have some ideas from my friends here on Instagram too! 

Check out the tips from my friends on the blog (via link in bio):

@thewholeparenting

@brandyintheatl 

@joqueen_and_family 

@coffeechaosandcuddles 

@pnicole_05 

What are your favorite hair, skin or spa products to make your pamper time feel special?

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Are your kids the outdoorsy, adventurous types? Anyone just over having clean floors with all the wet boots and feet going in and out like me? 🙋‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I can handle dirty floors for all this nature play without a doubt. 

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#AD Yesterday we had some talks. Things got a litt #AD Yesterday we had some talks. Things got a little tense. There were tears because she was embarrassed about what she did and said. 

I made sure to go to her room after things cooled down (where she was sent for her behavior) and ask why, talk about my reason why, and then she decided to come down and eat her dinner. (The whole issue was that dinner included a green vegetable...😅😂)

Everything returned to contentment. We all smiled. This is real life and real parenting. Our emotions clashed but calm logic brought things back in focus.

Today we can laugh and be silly thinking about it. 

What is the most recent heated or challenging moment you’ve experienced with your kids lately? Did things get resolved? 

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How have you been taking time to recharge while st How have you been taking time to recharge while staying at home? Making my list of favorite ways to refresh ‘cause moms with full schedules from morning to night need some simple ideas to get in quiet time. 👏 Do you need recharge time?

I like keeping it simple. 👌 Luxurious shampoo and body butter to maximize the spa feel after a hot shower, Bible study in the morning with my coffee, walking the dog solo are just a few of my break ideas. (I think hot showers are a cure all for a lot of stress! Time to think, feeling the strain wash away...all good things.) What do you think?

Since I have been a #stayathomemom for 13 years now, my kids have always been around and my time has been devoted to home and family. But I NEED time to have quiet and just be alone too. 

That means I have to squeeze in my recharge time in creative, simple ways. 

I am going to finish up this blog post and share it all with you. Share what you do too! I would love to give you a  mention you in the post. 👩🏼‍💻 💕

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When you really focus on fear, isn’t it pretty s When you really focus on fear, isn’t it pretty silly how much we let it run our lives? 

Anyone who knows my 7 year old daughter knows she has a “no fear” spirit. She can be a bit of an adrenaline junkie. She is always moving, seeking out fun and not intimidated by the unknown.

As a parent I both admire and cringe. 😅 

I find that I have to suppress my fear when it comes to her adventurous spirit so I do not diminish her true nature. I also have to be on the ball from a parenting perspective to talk through being smart while having fun. 

It is not as if we can ever see the results from the actions before we act though. 

Remembering myself how I truly only know what I see and what faith teaches me allows me to focus on eliminating fear from ruling.

For many years I was the opposite of my wild child. I was always thinking too far ahead to see what potential pain may come. That suppressed my nature. I see my kids so social, so eager to try new things and it energizes me to set that example too. 

Fear is not a worthwhile debate partner. 

“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” ~Proverbs 31:25, NIV

Do you wrestle with fear in parenting and life in general or are you more of the no fear type?

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