Welcome to Mom Motivation Mondays where weekly contributing writers share their motherhood experiences to encourage you to find the joy in being a mom.
{This week: Post by Jaimi}
Are there blog posts you just refuse to read? I have seen many in my newsfeed lately. The ones with titles that make my blood pressure rise before ever clicking on the link. It all boils down to mom shaming.
There was one about why it is bad to say “good job” to your child. Another had a title that said time outs were harmful for your kid. Then there is the criticism of moms who just don’t want messy sensory play happening in the house.
On top of that, many blogs imply that moms have “yelling” problems. And spanking, well, we have heard how terrible a parent we are if we do that.
Then there are the posts that say “stop judging,” “kids are resilient,” “moms are stressed and blogs are the problem.”
Then we are told let go of the idea that you can be perfect.
Is your head spinning yet?
Sheesh!
Makes me want to close up shop on this blog. The blogging hypocrisy definitely tries my patience.
Blogging is a world of making mountains out of mole hills, taking small personal issues and making them out to be another mother’s major failures.
I will be honest, my parents raised their voices. (Is that yelling?) They even spanked occasionally, put us in time out, and told us “good job.” Neither I nor my brother are in therapy…yet, anyway!
I have done all of that with my children, and you know what? They are happy, smart, socially capable, loving, quirky, caring, imperfect, but perfectly lovely kids. Just ask their grandparents.
I don’t know if my children will view my parenting as successful or lacking when they are grown. Time will tell.
I know many blogs imply moms are “bad” for not being completely controlled, and dare I say, unemotional at all times. We are human. Not robots.
We moms are so invested in wanting our children to be successful that you bet we are going to get a little frustrated, maybe even upset at times when our kids mess up-or we mess up.
We all crave the one parenting way that will work for everyone. I would love for parenting to have an easy button, but it doesn’t. At least, I haven’t found one yet. Have you?
You know what works most of the time, for your family, and you know what is worth it. Spending as much time as you can with your children, and reminding yourself that these kids did not show up with instruction manuals-you have to figure it out as you go-are vital to learn how to do this parenting thing.
What is the most important parenting goal? Choose your parenting actions to show your children what you want them to value as adults, not just to get them to act a certain way today.
Hard choices, hard actions, and long term gain.
I know I do not always choose the right parenting move or stay completely calm all day long. I am invested in my children. Their failures feel like mine. When I fail it makes me upset, and sometimes that leads to a sharing of emotions. It is the same when we are viewing our children’s choices.
The thing about your parenting choices that matters is whether you view them as failures-based on your own experiences. I do not know if there is a way to feel good about every parenting choice. So much of being a mom is tough. There are many options we can make in any situation. All may have problems. You go with your gut, and with your long-term parenting goals.
What many blogs describe as failures are often the right parenting choices for me. I am the one responsible for raising my kids.
We have a world of moms that wish they could get it right all of the time. I don’t think that is possible. Human-not robot-remember?
Multiple perspectives on parenting is a good thing, but telling another mother that her way is “wrong” just because you don’t like it is shaming. We need to stop.
Enjoy your time at home!
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