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Stop Telling Moms to Ask for Help

November 27, 2016 by Jaimi Erickson 5 Comments

Ready to have the ENERGY to be the best mom you can be? Get started! Thanks for stopping by!

Welcome back! Did you already get started here?

Welcome to Mom Motivation Mondays where weekly contributing writers share their motherhood experiences to encourage you to find the joy in being a mom.

{This week: Post by Jaimi}

Stop telling moms to ask for help. Unless you will act.

I was waking up every couple of hours at night to breastfeed, and then waking up early the next morning to get my oldest ready for school. That did not leave me with much energy to clean, cook and interact with the kids as much as I should have.

Going all day long and doing it all again the next night left me full of the mom exhaustion. I tried to ask for help, but no one could give it.

We lived in survival mode, which I guess is still living. Living across the country from all family, we were alone in an anti-social neighborhood. My closest friend lived an hour away. Friends and family said if you need anything, just let us know, but what could they really do from hundreds of miles away?

I posted a desperate Facebook update looking for help. My hope was that someone nearby could come over to help me wrangle the kids so I could fold laundry. I wished that they could entertain the children for 20 minutes so I could clean the bathrooms. I am sure the state of them violated some health code!

My call for help was not answered. I often briefly wish people would stop telling moms to ask for help!

We are told from the time we are pregnant,

“If you need help, just ask,”

“Be sure to ask if you need help,”

“If you need anything, just let me know,”

but how many people can actually be of help to us when the baby is running a 103 degree fever at midnight, or we have loads of laundry piling up and just need another set of hands to fold?

These situations are enough to push moms into feeling desperate and isolated, yet they are the challenges that all moms face.

Other moms have their own challenges and obligations too. So what do we do?

Do we really understand in this generation exactly what help means?

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Gal 6:2

I define help as need. I have had friends and family offer help. I have even had friends and family give help during major life adjustments like a new baby or a big move. There are times when we have been given more than we needed from others. There are also times when the help we were given did not cover our needs, or help just plain did not exist when I needed it.

I wish people would stop telling moms to ask for help, and just offer it.

It is depressing to feel in need, over-extended, at your limit, just to have no one able to help you get back in balance after you take their advice and ask for help.

I was in tears a few times during the twins’ first year. Tears because I could not keep up with the needs.

I had to set aside my two older children many times to focus on the twins. It was moments of challenge that would pop up that were the tough times. I could not predict when they would occur so I could not plan to arrange help in preparation to avoid being overwhelmed.

I wish people would stop telling moms to ask for help, and just offer it. Just tell a mom you are going to be there. Giver her a day, ask her for a time, and just show up. Do what she needs you to do then.

Need some ideas?

Things You Can Do to Help A Mom

-Provide a meal, even when she is not expecting a baby

-Help her clean her house, or watch her kids while she cleans

-Assist during tough times of the day, dinner prep/homework time for example

-Call her, text her, or email her to ask how her day is going

-Buy her a coffee and drop it off as a surprise

-Listen to her bad day story and don’t ‘one up her’ with how your day was worse, just sympathize.

-Help her fold laundry

-Drive her kids to school for her, or alternate with a carpool.

-Research some new simple recipes and email them or print them off for her.

-Invite her and her family over for dinner.

-Invite her over for coffee.

-Meet up to walk together.

–Print off a copy of these mom motivation quotes and give them to her in little frames.

-Pick a night when you can have a girls night in.

-Meet up at a playground or library storytime.

-Enroll your kids in the same class or sport as so you can have time to talk while the kids are in their event.

-Pick up a pizza or grab takeout and drop it off before she would be prepping dinner.

-Make her a set of DIY spa items with essential oils so she has a reason to spend a little time on herself.

-Offer to take her kids to the park so she can get some time to herself or work on her to-do list.

It is not hard, it just requires effort. Effort that may leave a load of laundry unfolded at your house for a bit. But what you give that mom in that 20 minutes or 1 hour, will stick with her forever.

Often we want to help another mom, but get caught up in our daily life and become “too busy.”

If I have time to scroll through Facebook for 20 minutes, if I have time to write a blog post, if I have time to browse in the craft store, then I have time to help a friend in need.

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Phil 2:4

There are times in our motherhood journey when we are the ones who need help more than we can find time to give it. I have felt that way for the past 2 years with the twins. I try-and fail-to get people meals after they have a baby, because my household leaves my hands full.

I think we all know the people in our lives that need.

We know when we have more than we need.

We need to be watching for how we can help fulfill needs.

If you are not prepared to actually help another mom in the way that they need, then stop telling moms to ask for help.

A note to the moms who feel they need help, but can’t find it:

During my last 9 years of being a mom, I have had many moments where I thought I needed help, but ended up getting through the challenge on my own. It may have been combined with a lot of frustration and exhaustion, but I have learned I can usually do more than I think! Don’t give up hope! Motherhood is challenging for all of us. You are not alone.

A weekly series of motivation for moms brought to you by stay at home mom bloggers at The Stay-at-Home Mom Survival Guide.

Join our private Facebook group for encouragement from moms who are in your shoes.

Have you always had help when you needed it? How have you helped moms you know?

Stop telling moms to ask for help. Unless you will act.

 

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Filed Under: homemaking, motherhood, motivation Tagged With: family, friends, help, mom friends, mom guilt, self help

Trackbacks

  1. When You are An Overwhelmed Mom | The Stay-at-Home-Mom Survival Guide says:
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    […] you do really need help and can’t seem to find someone to give you a break or offer assistance, read this post and then move to my next […]

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  2. How to Navigate Motherhood When Your Spouse is Deployed - The Stay-at-Home-Mom Survival Guide says:
    January 14, 2018 at 8:02 am

    […] is a gut instinct, but many women do not reach out and ask for help. We all want it, need it, and often feel it is not available to […]

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  3. How I'm Going to Rock the RAOK This Month - The Merry Momma says:
    November 2, 2017 at 5:01 am

    […] Goal #2: Do at least one thing from this list […]

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  4. October Fabulous Finds - The Merry Momma says:
    October 30, 2017 at 5:02 am

    […] Stop Telling Moms to Ask For Help | The Stay-at-Home-Mom Survival Guide […]

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  5. Find Balance in Motherhood and Relationships - The Stay-at-Home-Mom Survival Guide says:
    January 8, 2017 at 4:24 pm

    […] it and give it. Community starts with two people. Make the connection with another mom so you can give that mom support and you in turn can gain support from her. Mom Connection can be more than a casual read, it can […]

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I pictured myself as a mom of boys before having m I pictured myself as a mom of boys before having my babies. I have learned so much from all my children but having my girls is a blessing I never knew I needed. 

Want to eliminate mean girls? Raise daughters to do the opposite.

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They are my own little girl group and I am grateful for it. They love me on my bad days and give me compliments I do not even deserve. 

I do love being the mom of girls (and boys). They both teach me so much. 

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Will you be spending time with family for Easter? Will you be spending time with family for Easter? 

My husband’s parents have arrived - adding one more big dog to our house and lots of crafts and fun. We have not seen them since June. Everyone is excited to spend time together.

Both of my big kids have birthdays and we will all get to spend time at the beach this month. Our school work will morph into field trips so we soak up every day we can being present with family. 

I am looking forward to making memories, soaking in time together and celebrating two milestone birthdays - one happening tomorrow. 💛 

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🌟The faces we make when a Costco run with all t 🌟The faces we make when a Costco run with all the kids actually goes well!!! 🌟 

Ice cream after helped of course. 😂

All prepped for my in-laws coming to visit us after not seeing them since our move last summer. Looking forward to some fun events ahead that will make my kids think they are on spring break but they will technically be field trip days. Check, check. 

Are you guys on spring break this week? What do you have planned?

#momlifestyleblogger #stayathomemommylife #momlifeisbestlife #momlifeunplugged #sahmlifestyle #momlife101 #momsofmultiples #stayathomemama #momswhoinspire #momswithgoals #mommotivation #aintnohoodlikemotherhood #stayathomemommy #momlifeunfiltered #motherhoodlife #momhood #honestmommin #realmoms #lifeasamama #joyfulmama #mommymode #momtime #lifeasmama #justmomlife #motherhoodthroughig #momsofinsta #mamahood #momentsinmotherhood #thisismotherhood #momlifebelike
Some days you put on the 10 year old comfy jeans, Some days you put on the 10 year old comfy jeans, fill your mind with encouragement and just keep moving forward. 

Recovery days are not just for working out. They are for the mental state we walk around with too. Yesterday felt heavy. My God is a power lifter and takes the burden away. 

Today will be better.

Today we will rest and refocus.

Hooray for comfy jeans, motivational graphics and the Word to focus on through it all. 

(Faith fashion: @choseninchrist use code Jaimi to save.)

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🌟That Face!!🌟 That little boy is soon to t 🌟That Face!!🌟 

That little boy is soon to turn 13, guys! I mean in a few weeks. 😅

This is a throwback but brings back so many fun memories. 

—————————————

I love creating activities and crafts on the fly. Always have even before my kids were here.

I noticed that my son did not have a lot of little toy people to play with while he was pretending one day. We have a few cylinder blocks in a set. We never used them when we built. I thought we could turn them into little DIY toy people. 

They were so cute and easy to make. It was a preschool art project for him. We made them together.

If you don’t have wooden cylindrical blocks at home, you can use pieces of wood dowel or even a few square blocks glued together. You can even make DIY toy people out of toilet paper tubes. 

🌟Full details through Blog link in bio 🌟

——————————————

I am so excited and yet in complete shock by how fast these little lives grow. I have never missed moments and I am so so grateful especially as we approach the teen years in my house. 💛 Soak up even the hard days of being a mom. TOTALLY worth it. 

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👌 There are a lot of parenting opinions out the 👌 There are a lot of parenting opinions out there. I try to ignore a lot of them. 😂 

My kids stay up later than most recommend, but so did I when I was a kid. 

She loves to read. She loves to write. Abby writes plays, journal entries, songs and on a bad day she will write her feelings about it all, in depth, no holds barred. 

This night she was trying to finish up a play - setting, character details, order of lines - for a play she made for her younger sister. 

I am so thankful that we can count her love of writing in her free time as school work. I am so thankful that how we do school allows this passion and talent to thrive. She has stacks of drawings, plays and writing blurbs. They are all precious to her.

There are days I question whether this choice or that choice is right or “approved,” but it does not matter when I see my children dive deep into the things they love. 

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Give me my people any day. Family time this Sund Give me my people any day. 

Family time this Sunday was a 5k fundraiser race. We helped raise 💵 for the spouses’ club scholarship fund. Scholarships will be awarded for post secondary education to military kids and spouses. 

If you can choose any action in life, choose to help others. Side bonus when it involves fun family time together.

Best day yet. 💛💛💛

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💛 Friday Introductions💛 It has been a while 💛 Friday Introductions💛

It has been a while since I did a good run-down here to give ya the cliffs notes (are those still a thing) version of me. 👋 

💛 Detroit-born a few blocks from where Eminem lived. The city is still my hometown despite moving away as a kid.

💛 I am a big believer in traditional values, but with a modern woman twist. My husband drives his career and I drive this household.

💛 We live in eastern NC 30 mins from the beach. I want to stay here forever, truly, but military life will come to an end some day...still don’t know specifically when that will be.

💛Born and raised to be a planner, Type A personality, having 4 kids beat that out of me 🤣 and I am very “day at a time” now. 

💛I was a teacher turned stay at home mom turned blogger turned entrepreneur that had to set it all on the back burner a bit to focus on homeschooling my kids. I can only have so much on my plate and complete it successfully. (When we listen, God guides and is loud and clear with His direction. 💛)

💛I believe I can be humble and confident; I can be fully present with my kids and make space to rest and rejuvenate; I believe the biggest successes I will achieve in life will not have a paycheck as its valuation. 

💛I believe that true peace, value and love all come from Jesus. 

You will find me sharing the ups AND the downs of motherhood, wife life, homeschooling and being a Christian woman with the modern day pull to fight what that can mean. (There is def a force trying to convince us to push those values aside, my friends.)

👌What is the cliffs notes version of you? What do you want people to know/realize most of all?

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🌟Teaching Kids to Make Friends🌟 Often our c 🌟Teaching Kids to Make Friends🌟

Often our children learn hard lessons when they have to move to a new state or school. 

My kids have become all too familiar with this through military life. Every three years they have to make new friends.

It is not always simple.

As a child, my family moved a lot. We were not military, but in junior high I moved to a new state and had to make all new friends.

This was a challenging and even to some extent a traumatic time of life.

Being the new kid, is a humbling experience. Suddenly you are hoping that your peers will want to get to know you and like you. It creates some self-consciousness.

Reading is such a beneficial way to teach children about life lessons. It teaches much more than that. It teaches self esteem through the cuddle time. It teaches language skills, and it teaches children to use their minds to be creative.

As they have grown and navigated more friendships, books are a resource for us to discuss tough challenges. I have found a great series of books that present friendship challenges and help children learn to navigate them.

It just so happens that the author is my neighbor too! How cool is that?! Moms are amazing.

These books will be treasured by your family for their quality values. The @stingrayjelly series teach children how to make friends and navigate friendships to love others well and support them through shared similarities and recognized differences.

Author, Lauren Giannella is a military wife and my neighbor! Anna Perdue is the illustrator and also a military child. 

Read my blog post for details on each book and links to purchase through @barnesandnoble 

We love our military community and all they do to give back.

What are your favorite children’s books that teach children how to make friends or help them maneuver through tough life challenges?

#books #booksforkids #militaryspouse #militaryspouses #militarywife #militarylife #militarykids #teachingkids #goodbooks #readtokids #readingtime #homeschoolreading #homeschoolmoms #eastnc #usmclife #marinecorpsfamily #motherhoodsocial
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