Welcome to Mom Motivation Mondays where weekly contributing writers share their motherhood experiences to encourage you to find the joy in being a mom.
{This week: Post by Heather}
The other day I was beyond psyched when my husband let me know he would be picking up the kids from school.
Was I going to relax and sip some coffee? Drinking coffee at 2 pm will ensure an all-nighter for this lady.
Check in for a massage? As if.
So why was I soooo psyched? What was I really doing with that extra time?
I was able to stay at work longer than usual to attack my ever-growing task list with a vengeance.
I know, I know, being an adult is just as glamourous as I thought it was.
So I worked on knocking things off my to-do list, I listened to Christmas music on the way home,
and decided to spend the rest of the evening with the kids (a reward for all my hard work).
I pulled in the driveway,
Full of a lightness that can only come when you feel that twinge of accomplishment.
I walked into the house, and all was right with the world until…
I saw my 4-year old’s hair.
I thought for a moment my eyes must be playing tricks on me. It appeared as if she was missing most of the hair on the right side of her head.
But surely she had just tucked it behind her ears,
Right?
RIGHT?
WRONG!
I dropped to my knees beside her and grabbed her golden hair in my hands.
The kind of golden that shimmers in the sun.
The kind I waited until she was almost 3-years old to grow out past her ears.
She hadn’t just cut it,
she had hacked it,
demolished it.
My voice caught in my throat. Not because I was mad, but because I felt responsible.
With her hair still in my hands I immediately blamed myself.
It’s because I stayed late at work today.
It’s because I started working that second job a couple days a week.
It’s because she isn’t getting enough attention.
I’m not doing a good enough job as a mom.
I was completely racked with guilt.
So into time-out my 4-year old went. I could hear sobs erupting from behind the door. Sobs that made my heart ache.
After her allotted time-out I headed into her room. I held her and tried to calm the torrential downpour coming out of her eyes. I asked her why she cut her hair.
Her response, through hiccups, was she wanted her hair to be short and so she cut it.
Simple as that.
And then a light bulb went off in my head. She saw a problem and she solved it.
Problem: Hair is too long
Solution: Cut it. All. Off.
It had nothing to do with me.
It had nothing to do with me staying late at work or the other things that had been running rampant through my head.
And that’s when it really dawned on me.
Moms, everything isn’t about us.
Sometimes we can try and try to teach our kids the right things,
I’ve told her a million times we only use scissors to cut paper,
but often kids make bad decisions.
They’re still going to make decisions that make us sad, mad or angry.
It can be hard for us as moms to not blame ourselves every single time the kids make bad decisions.
It almost seems hard-wired into us.
The second we are pregnant we develop this guilt complex that is unmatched.
We take the things our children do, and we absorb them. We own them, as if we are the ones who made the decision to take scissors and give ourselves a hack job.
And yes, I do believe it’s important to look at the way your children act and behave because it is to some degree a reflection of you and your teachings, but I also know that my two girls are respectful, kind and thoughtful. I know for the most part they help me out whenever I ask.
And they are slowly growing into little people that know the difference between right and wrong.
This event led me to seriously question my automatic “mom” response in relation to blaming myself every time the kids make bad decisions. It made me realize that this event is only preparing me for bigger and more difficult choices that are just on the horizon.
It is preparing me to learn grace with myself and compassion for my children when they make choices I don’t agree with.
It’s practice for learning to separate myself from their actions, because one day they will be making their own decisions that control their actions every single day.
And I pray these “tiny” events, like hair chopping, will teach them to make better decisions when the choice is left to them and them alone.
It made me wonder how many of you out there also feel like this when your children make a wrong choice.
How do you feel when your kids make bad decisions?
Heather lives in Florida with her husband, two girls and two pups. She is a lover of most things in life, too many to name here without scaring you, but a few include working out, learning new recipes, Pinterest, organizing (yes, it’s true!), home decor and learning to lead a more minimal and purposeful life.
She started Just Becoming Me as a venture to better understand herself and what will lead her towards a more fulfilling life. Her motto is: “We only have one life, and I want to learn to live mine in a way that gets me excited to jump out of bed.”
Enjoy your time at home!
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