Although I didn’t know it when we first met years ago, a new neighbor would become my dear friend. When she first welcomed us into the neighborhood, she had her sixth baby in her arms. I was a new mom learning to wrangle my first toddler. How to make really great friends as a mom can feel challenging.
It is our main role to care for the kids. Their schedule, their goals, and we facilitate and make it happen. That does not leave a lot of time for our own friendships.
My friend and I were separated by about seven years in age. Her personality was humble and relaxed. I needed to learn to become those things. There was something drawing me to her. That was the thread that always kept us reuniting over the years.
She was the first to encourage me to start up a neighborhood playgroup. Our community did not have a solid social network at the time.
People waved as they walked or ran by your house, but there was not a strong connection between neighbors. I craved that connection. I wanted my children to grow up around friends and social events too. Teaching them how to be a good friend was important to me. The Skittles game and playdates were key parts of learning to be kind and grow in friendships.
Our playgroup was the catalyst for growing a great friend group. Playgroups have a way of bringing moms together and help you make the really great friends as a mom.
My new neighbor lived a couple doors down. She already had school-aged kids, so we were in slightly different seasons of life, but there was still something about her that kept us connected.
Although, as a military spouse, I move and have to make new friends every few years, these lessons translate to life as we near the end of our military time. The great friendships last over the years and miles.
After a year of living on the same base, we got orders to move to a new military base. Then a year later, she and her family moved to the same area. This time, we were both off base. Although we could not see each other daily, we stayed connected.
Building the Great Mom Friendships
As much as we like to critique social media, it is because of it that we communicated regularly. It was our lifeline in the midst of busy seasons of motherhood.
When I found out I was pregnant with twins, she showed up to help big time. I knew she always wanted to help even more than she did. She was the first to check in and offer to come fold my laundry or do my dishes after the babies were born. Friends like that are gifts.
It is easy to get wrapped up in our day-to-day life demands. There are seasons when we need to lean in at home and keep things in balance. Military life shifts without fair warning.
The pace does shift eventually. During the times when we have things rolling smoothly, looking out for fellow military spouses and neighbors we can help is so valuable.
That is what my amazing friend did. Even at the second duty station, we did not hang out a lot. We got together every few months. She just wanted to help me!
With the time we spent together, we started to go deeper with our conversations. It allowed us to really connect and understand each of our life stories. This is when our friendship got really good.
Many military spouses resist going deep with friendships. It can feel hard or worthless when you PCS every few years. The constant cycle of trying to find friends is exhausting. But, when you really get to know another mom that context of life builds a relationship that can only grow in a positive direction.
I know I have gotten just to that point in many friendships. Right when we have an opportunity to really understand each other, it gets uncomfortable. Then, a disagreement or misunderstanding works like a magnet pushing us apart.
It does take two to make any friendship survive. It takes that depth of knowledge for a great friendship to grow and thrive.
When we moved again, my dear friend and I ended up on opposite coasts. I do not know who kept in touch first. Our communications just seemed natural.
When she needed encouragement, she would reach out. When I was struggling, I messaged her and asked for prayers and positive thoughts.
This friendship grew into one of the good ones. This friend is one that I grew to cherish. Although it is hard to pinpoint what kept our relationship connected and growing through the years, there are a few clear things that just worked for us.
Maturity
Maturity to learn about someone’s whole story before making judgments. This is a form of honest listening and honest sharing. Weathering disagreements and being transparent are key actions. If you only present the best of yourself or feel like you have to hide who you are, a deep friendship will not thrive.
Common Values
We all need some connection point beyond the title of military spouse for a friendship to bloom. Being in the military community together is a commonality, but people who share your similar views on life and family are going to provide a safer place to be you. That helps you grow a mutually beneficial friendship.
Be Loyal
Maybe social media makes us more apt to stay in touch over long distances than we did before it existed. Yes, I am old enough to have experienced a world without it! Using social media for this purpose is a bridge to keep friendships alive. It helps us stay aware of what is going on in the lives of our friends.
Cherish The Friendships That Last
There is a natural magnetism that happens with the great friends we make along this military journey. A lot of these steps happen without you even realizing it.
Great friends make the constant friend-finding process worth it. Not every friend we make will last over the years and miles. A few great ones will be true gifts over time.
>>>Get your copy of How to Host a Playdate to kick off a new group in your area. It is the step I take at each new place to make really good friends as a mom.<<<
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