Welcome to Mom Motivation Mondays where weekly contributing writers share their motherhood experiences to encourage you to find the joy in being a mom.
{This week: Post by Jaimi}
Over my almost 9 years of being a mom, I have learned lessons. Lessons I wish I could share with every mom out there so we can understand the challenges of being a mom, and avoid the pitfalls that seem to divide us rather than unite us. The shared experiences we have as moms are important. They lead us to certain parenting truths or facts about motherhood. If the goal is to be the best moms we can be, while enjoying as much of this season of life as possible these 10 facts about motherhood keep me focused on the positive.
10 Facts about Motherhood Moms Need to Accept
1) At certain times in your child’s life, they will want you around all the time and other times they will want nothing to do with you. Remember the latter when feeling stifled by how all-encompassing motherhood really is.
There are seasons of motherhood when you will not go to the bathroom alone, but there is still purpose in that. It is just your motherhood season, and like all things, it will pass. There are worse things in life than your children wanting to be with you a lot. (I think this is a natural way that God prepares us for the teen years when our kids will want to be around us less.)
2) Your children will be quiet and content, until you sit down on the couch. Time and time again you will continue to try sitting in these moments, and the results will be the same…for a while. (I have been told the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results…I think I will get to sit and enjoy that coffee, and then someone needs something!)
For a positive reality check: I shared over on Instagram how long it took as a mom of four to get a moment to sit and enjoy a cup of coffee.
3) You will need to pay attention to your husband. He is not a bystander in this parenting experience. He is extremely important for your children and you. Children grow and leave the house. You will want your marriage to be intact when that happens, so spend time strengthening your marriage now-no matter how small the moments need to be due to the demands of caring for children. (Tips for keeping your marriage strong.)
4) Some nights you are not going to sleep much. Infants, toddlers, preschoolers, school age kids and teenagers will keep you up at night. We think sleep is a goal that will be achieved as soon as possible after a baby is born. It feels like the most important goal when you get so sleep deprived as a mom.
The reality is that toddlers have nightmares. Preschoolers potty train and wet the bed. School age kids start to stay up later. Teenagers, well, we know by then we will be awake to watch that they enter through the door by curfew. Whether child-caused or parenting-caused, you will be awake at night a lot.
5) Teething is awful. It just is. It is an unseen pain at a time when most children cannot tell you what hurts. Teething often happens just as infants begin to sleep more at night. (God is full of humor, isn’t he?) This is the way it was for all of my children.
Moms are needed and your child wants your comfort. The crying will make your nerves ragged, and your patience thin, but you will get through it. You and your child will be stronger-together-because you comforted them during this time.
6) There will be days where you feel like you are an awesome mom and those days will be followed by moments where you are sure you are failing at motherhood.
My kids behavior goes in cycles: One week they are extremely patient while standing in line at the post office, or walking through the grocery store. The next day they run away through the men’s locker room at the pool or dig my plants up out of the pots. (Why do they have an obsession with this?!) Either way, you must teach the lessons necessary at each event.
The Nice Mom-Mean Mom combo is in every mom. Often we have to be firm with our kids even in front of others.
I don’t worry about what people think of me using my stern voice in the grocery store when my kids misbehave. They are my children and I am responsible for them. I know what works for my kids. You know what works for yours. Can we make a pact to acknowledge this fact once and for all?
7) You will need healthy doses of coffee and prayer. This needs no explanation. Sleep deprivation will take over one day, or 100 days, and there is no patience tree to grab more when your supply is low. Savor a little coffee and pray every day-or throughout the day as is the case in my life. Prayer is true meditation of our hearts and we have to focus to be a good mom.
8) You will need to ask for help at some point. It may or may not show up. Ask anyway.
I got low, really low, after we moved to California when the twins were 6 months old. They were very needy. I was breastfeeding. I was getting about 4 hours of sleep a night. The twins never napped at the same time despite my best efforts. It was making me feel depleted. Normally I am an “I can do it myself” kinda gal, but this time I had to ask for help. I messaged a few friends. Not one had time in her schedule to come over, but each did respond which in a way was helpful. I was able to share that I was feeling down, but I had to understand that they had their own children to care for too.
I have had help in the past, and when it is offered I often accept. Accept when help is offered if you need it. Don’t be afraid to ask for it, and if you can’t find any, go back to #9 and pray your way through it!
9) Every other mom out there is not judging you. It makes my heart ache how much this lie is used on social media to get emotional reactions from us moms.
When I walk through Costco and see a mom with a screaming child, I am not thinking badly about the mom. I am feeling sympathy, because I have been there. When I hear a mom give in to her whining child, I am not rolling my eyes at her. I am thinking that during some moments we just reach our breaking point as moms.
Often when we see a mom going through a rough moment, we want to help her. We want to offer some words of wisdom or a parenting tip to guide her through the tough moment because we have experienced it too. We moms have love for each other. Our hearts lead us to want to make it easier for the mom in the store dealing with a tantrum.
We are each on our own journey, at our own pace, in our own lives. Not every mom out there is judging our every move. The ones who are, they don’t bother me. Sometimes moms have judged my choices and we discuss it. Sometimes I nod and smile. Other times, I just ignore.
Let’s do more relating, more understanding, that we each experience motherhood at a different pace. Some moms do have great advice for us. Some moms have advice that we don’t want to hear. Other moms say terrible things that we just need to use as a reminder of what not to say to another mother. Above all, let’s love and understand more than we assume.
10) You may never feel like the mom you want to be, but you can put in the effort to be the mom you need to be. This is where I am in my motherhood journey. I have felt really good about my parenting, and questioned myself (and my husband) at other times. This is human nature. Even the most confident people (and I count myself as one of them much of the time) reflects on their actions and sometimes wonders if they should have done something differently.
I do this, but then I follow where my values lead me. Showing my version of “mean mom” every now and then has been necessary to teach my kids important life lessons. I don’t like that, but I need to parent effectively. I am not always the mom I pictured in my head, but I am always present enough to be the mom I need to be in each moment. That gives me mom confidence.
What facts about motherhood have you learned on your journey as a mom?
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Enjoy your time at home!
This made my day. I love your blog.
Thank you so much! What a treat to have you here reading. 🙂
So true on all of these, Jaimi! Great post. I’ve shared on my FB page and pinned:) How are you? Hope you’re having a good summer!
Thank you so much, Ginger! It is great to hear from you. Things are going well. We are busy with the 4 kids, but life is good. Still in SoCal for another year, then we’ll see where the USMC sends us. 🙂 How are you doing?
I completely hear you on the no sleep. I have 2 college students living away from home and I stay up waiting to get a text message from them so I know they are back in the dorms and are safe. I wonder how long will it be before I feel comfortable enough to go to sleep at night without knowing they’re at home safe.
I know it! Even when they are adult-age you are still up at night. I am not there yet with my kids, but I remember my parents being very vigilant with things like that.