Moms and dads are vitally important in the life of children. There are not years where your presence does not matter. It was common when I was caring for infants in a daycare center for the parents to say that they thought their baby did not notice they were even gone. This hurt my heart.
Moms, your baby notices. Your body biologically notices too. Science backs this up. I wrote about it in my book and in this blog post.
Many women wonder why they would want to be a stay-at-home mom. You miss out on two incomes, potentially a larger home, nicer clothes, and other things that only money can buy?
After 16 years of staying home with the kids, let me share what I am most thankful for and why I still want to be home for my kids. It’s a big win to be a stay-at-home mom, this is why.
Why You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom
Teaching Your Values
Do you want someone else – a complete stranger – shaping your child’s values? When we send our children to daycare, we put them in the care of a stranger for the full day. The rules, conversations, and values of that person and all the other caregivers they interact with all day become their foundation of values.
Your family’s values matter. I pray you follow Jesus and want to teach your children about Him. Many organizations these days are teaching skewed values. If you do not teach your children your values, someone else will shape their worldview.
It takes time to raise a child up in the way that he should go. That time is valuable and possible to invest when you are home full time.
Memories
Core memories are a focus point these days. Back in my younger years we just called them “childhood.” Memories are what shape the context of how we grow to become who we will be as adults. That is how it works for our kids too.
When we are present in our children’s lives, we are in their memories. Our role and our impact are greater. But, if we view parenting as a part time job rather than one that requires full time commitment, someone else will be in the memories of our children’s minds.
I don’t say this to mean that we should be the only adult our child thinks of – not at all. But, parents are the most important person in a child’s life. That presence should make an impact – and the lack of your presence will leave those spaces open for someone else to fill.
It’s about making memories that define family, culture, self, and connection for our children. We have to be doing things with them regularly and often to create that.
Hugs
I am grateful that whenever my children need a hug or want to give me a random one, I am always here for it. They need that and I have benefitted form it too. Physical touch is grounding for us and our kids.
This is the fluffiest of the reasons why being home and available to my children 24/7 is important to me. Random hugs are the best. We all need more physical contact with each other. Our society has gotten so hands-off since our phones are in our hands all the time. Our bodies need closeness. Mental health depends on it.
Free hugs anyone?
Personal growth
You will never gain more humility and strength than when home all day parenting your children. When we drop our kids off to be cared for by others, they are the ones “parenting.” A doctor cannot successfully diagnose without spending a lot of time with patients; a parent cannot successfully parent without spending a lot of time with their children.
For some reason, these days, the majority of people think you will be better at parenting by spending less time with your children. That you need large breaks to be calm and focused when you are with your children.
I am confused by that.
Society makes you think you are isolating your child if you are at home with them. As if the strangers of the world are better for your child than you.
Not true!
Families are falling apart. But, mine will not be one of them. Are making sure your family will not fall apart too?
That has meant I see my children’s weaknesses and strengths. I cannot pretend that they are perfect. Being home all day with them means they can’t fake it for me. I see the truth; and that means I must admit when I am not parenting well.
I must learn as I go, but I get a lot of chances to do that. I can adjust my parenting and spend a lot of time learning how to be better. That has led to the biggest leaps in my personal growth.
Patience
If the more you do something, the better you become at it, then the more time you spend with your children the greater your capacity to become patient. We become more capable of handling parenting challenges when we are working to tackle them every day, all day.
This means we develop a strength or a tolerance level for the fires that pop up every day with the kids.
Raising kids is tough. Spending all day with kids is a challenge – just ask a teacher! But, when you make a commitment to stick with it, you get better at handling it.
That has the tendency to increase your patience and shows your children how to be patient.
We are living in our RV this summer. All six of us, the St Bernard and the guinea pig.. We spend every day together. My husband retired from the military and has not found a new job yet. It has been trying at times. It is downright stressful to have our income cut in half right when our grocery bills are at their peak.
But, every day we have happy moments too. I notice that every additional day we spend together, we enjoy our time together more.
Everyone learns how to be around each other when you have to do it every day. That teaches tolerance and patience — big time.
Balance
I do not believe that if I worked full time outside the home – or worked full time in the home – that life with the kids would feel more in balance. The opposite would be true. I would have less time to be a mom, less time to keep the house comfortable, and more things on my my plate that would need priority time.
Balance at home is a skill to work on achieving. It is also possible, but not if we are trying to do all the things that the world says we need to accomplish.
Prioritize your children. There is always time to work, when they are school age or older, to understand the balance of home and life.
Children need our presence. And, that is the key to balance as a mom.
>>Subscribe for more step-by-step ways to achieve balance at home as a mom in my free 4-day mini course when you sign up for emails.<<
Children learn life skills
I learned to be a mom and be patient as a mom because of what my mom taught me. She was home during the day and worked part time at night. I saw motherhood in action. I saw how she managed our home, bills, errands, and she was an expert at it.
Kids in daycare miss out on seeing what goes into home management.
We gain so much from being around our moms. Our kids gain so much from being around us when we are home.
Why would anyone want to be at home with the kids? Well, it is more than what you provide to them each day, or what money you bring in, or don’t. It is how we shape kids to learn to balance life and family. It is valuable time where we teach valuable skills.
As the mom of a 16 year old, the time invested in him shows. He is worth my time; and that time spent as a stay-at-home mom has been worth it.
I have learned and grown so much. Being a stay-at-home mom for almost two decades has never been the wrong choice. It has been one that I am grateful to have made.
What are your thoughts on being a stay-at-home mom? Is it valuable? Should moms think more about it? What has your path of motherhood looked like?
