I just wanted a break. I had been up since 2AM. My toddler did not need sleep-apparently. My wake-up call for the day happened at a time when during my college years I would just have been going to bed. I reached my limit as a mom.
Ah, but this is adulthood. Adulthood with two kids, a husband who was working Monday through Friday 3 hours away and not coming home at night during the week. There was no ‘normal’ in our lifestyle when Daddy was often gone, and home, and then gone again.
I hit this wall many days when the job of parenting falls all on me without the relief at dinner time of Daddy walking in the front door. Even though, the parenting duties primarily fall on my shoulders, just his presence in the evening, his adult conversation, makes the last hours of the day feel easier-most of the time.
Daddy wasn’t coming home that night and when mommy had been working since 2 AM, dinner time felt like it took an eternity to reach.
By dinner, my limit had been met. I was running on fumes as I tried to have a focused conversation with my husband on the phone. It was not working. The kids did not stop for a phone call.
While reading books during our bedtime routine, I felt my brain completely turn to mush. I cherished the cuddles and snuggles while we read together, and breathed through my last few minutes with my children for that evening.
It was not until I sat reading in my own bed after the children were asleep that I came across a quote that brought tears to my eyes after a very draining day:
“My God, against all odds, made me a mother. There aren’t enough words to acknowledge what that means to me.”–Susan Besze Wallace from the ‘Acknowledgments’ section in the book she edited, entitled, Always There: Reflections for Mom’s on God’s Presence, copyright 2012 by MOPS International.
“There aren’t enough words…”
The day had been long. (Did I mention it had started at 2AM?!?!) I was focusing too much on me. Yes, I NEED sleep to be healthy, but not as much as I want. No, we DO NOT typically wake up at 2AM.
God MADE ME A MOTHER. HE knows I can do it. HE knows I can get through it. HE knows I can make it count if I am open to the lessons it provides.
We may have had the tv on too long that day. My brain was on auto-pilot for a bit during the overwhelming moments. I just needed a breather.
I still spent that time with my children. I still performed my job as ‘mom’ that God gave to me-a job of service, immeasurable humility and great strength. I don’t always feel that I do it with the most grace, but Faith I have plenty of.
Sleep will happen-eventually. Children will have their needs met.
There definitely are not enough words to explain the kind of gratitude I feel for the opportunity to face the challenges of motherhood every day. Devotion to my job of ‘mother’, the ability to stick with it when I would rather turn in my resignation papers, is not handled by me alone. I can’t stick with it by myself.
God does it with me. There just aren’t enough words to express what that means.
How do you push through the tough moments and keep in perspective the importance of being present with your children?
Hi there! Welcome to my little corner of the internet. My name is Jaimi, and I am a mom who love to encourage other mothers in the season of raising children, making a home, and staying focused on the end goals of motherhood.