After sharing that there were indeed two babies in my pregnant belly, I was offered advice about how to manage twins plus the two I already had at home. I was asked fairly frequently, “Do you think you can handle four kids?” Unwanted or unsolicited advice can be hard to deal with.
This stumped me a bit and made me initially feel that I knew nothing as a mom. I had been a parent for almost 6 years. I knew how to juggle, at least, two kids. In life I believe we never get more than we can handle with God’s help.
“Can I handle it?” I do not have any other option.
This pregnancy was my fourth. My first ended in a miscarriage.
Considering that I have a chronic illness, I assumed motherhood might not happen in my life. It turned out that pregnancy number two happened on the first try. Pregnancy number three took a few months. Now we have twins on top of it all. I must know something as a mom!
I did feel like I was experiencing pregnancy for the first time again with the twins. Twins are something new!
I gained 50 pounds in 36 weeks, my sciatic nerve ached regularly from 20 weeks if I was on my feet too much.
There was a learning curve for all of us in this family with these new babies. My toddler and my belly were fighting each other for lap space-the belly usually won. If only my energy level could keep up with the normal routine of my children.
Despite the challenges that a twin pregnancy and twin infants provided me, I know there are many moms who experience much tougher challenges no matter the number of babies they are caring.
When I had baby #2, the nurses told me I already “knew everything” since it was not my first pregnancy. This was a nice little pat to my ego compared to when my first child was born-I was talked to like I had never even seen a baby before!
Now, with twins, I get all kinds of advice and questions again. It all can get overwhelming, but I know that I need to hear it too. This is new.
Can I handle it?
I do not know how to handle being a mom to four other than to be patient and figure it out…along the way. I am the best expert on any of my children. There is no other person on the planet hard-wired to know them as well as my husband and I.
I do not say this to imply that I have nothing left to learn. I do not have all the answers today for what will come next week, but since I know the backstory of these little people, I can and will figure out how to proceed no matter the challenges that will be thrown my way.
It will not be easy. It will not be simple. It will not be without hard work. I refuse to quit!
When I really think about it, I need the advice and questions. I can not think of everything. I know most advice is given because people want to help. Questions from other moms seem to imply, “You can’t handle that!”
Questions and advice are more of a commentary on the one who said them. I can weed through the advice and judgments to make the choices I need for my family. I am their expert mom.
Every parenting challenge teaches us and prepares us for the next one. We each can become an expert mom, but only on our children. Motherhood might not be learned through a Master’s course in college, but “mother” is a pretty strong and powerful title. We are experts on our children.
Have you received wanted or unwanted advice? How have you reacted to it?
This post is featured in A Complete Guide for Stay-at-Home Moms: Parenting Tips. View the whole resource HERE.
Hi there! Welcome to my little corner of the internet. My name is Jaimi, and I am a mom who love to encourage other mothers in the season of raising children, making a home, and staying focused on the end goals of motherhood.