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Home » motherhood » Under Pressure: The Truth about “Just Being a Mom”

Under Pressure: The Truth about “Just Being a Mom”

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Welcome to Mom Motivation Mondays where weekly contributing writers share their motherhood experiences to encourage you to find the joy in being a mom.

{This week: Post by Heather}

Why do we do it, moms? Why do we put the pressure on ourselves as mothers to prove our success as moms to others? The truth about just being a mom is we are under pressure. But who is putting that pressure on us?

I’ve learned a lot of things as a mom.

I’ve developed a special set of specific skills that include but aren’t limited to

cooking dinner

while playing blocks,

while helping with homework,

while completing 3 loads of laundry.

See. A specific set of skills.

I’ve learned that being a mom is one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever had the pleasure of taking part in.

I’ve also learned that being a mom is not for the faint of heart.

I’ve learned that there are like a million things a mom is in charge of and it isn’t just trying to keep the kids alive.

If you’ve ever met my 4-year-old you’d understand what I’m talking about with the whole keeping them alive situation.

But of all the things I’ve learned about being a mom learning to deal with the pressure of being a mom has been the hardest lesson.

The truth about just being a mom.

Simply existing in the position titled “mom” is full of pressure.

More on that later, first let me back up.

The last couple of years have been really tough for me, and it’s even tougher for me to admit it to anyone let alone spill it all over the internet.

I just haven’t been in the best place emotionally, physically or mentally.

I actually feel like a spoiled girl even bringing this up. Seriously, first world problems much?

But that’s not even the worst of it, the worst thing is I won’t give myself permission to just accept it for what it is.

I won’t for 5-seconds give myself grace. (See above about first world problems)

If a friend came to me with any of these feelings, I would set time aside to sit down and get to the bottom of it. I would listen intently to her, nodding at just the right moments while she cried on my shoulder.

And I would most certainly offer her grace.

I would recognize her pain, and I would try to make her feel better, if only for the minute.

And yet with myself I will not slow down. I will not.

Both my husband and my mother have commented that I work too hard, that I push myself too much, and that I’m too critical of myself.

I plaster a smile on my face and shake my head in agreement.

But all I’m really thinking is I’m not doing enough,

I’m not doing well enough,

and I’m barely surviving.

I feel anxious all the time. I mean all. the. time.

I feel fatigue. I feel restless.

And most days I just feel like I am going out of my mind with the pressure of being a mom.

It used to just be about being a mom.

You did the best you could and that was acceptable.

Presently, I don’t believe this is true and it weighs heavily on my heart.

We all keep saying it is, but we continue to engage in ways that it’s not, myself included.

I continue to laugh when we talk about “Pinterest” moms, but as a close friend of mine pointed out to me I’m the epitome of a “Pinterest” mom.

I’m always coming up with crafts. Pinning things and actually doing them. Or making pink sparkly cupcakes while taking part in a weight loss challenge where I wasn’t actually able to eat them.

I tell other mothers how great they are when they’re down on themselves only to go home and do all the laundry, make natural deodorant from scratch and food prep all our food for the week.

I look at other mothers and can congratulate them for simply surviving the week. Then I go home and think about all the things I’ve left undone.

I always have a kind word for others and end up only seeing the bad parts of myself as a person, as a mother.

The pressure to be a mom is not only ever present in our society, it’s ever present in ourselves.

We can’t escape or shake this feeling because at the end of the day we’re still there with ourselves.

I do it to myself.

I want to be the best for my girls.

I want to be the best for my family.

And yet the pressure drives me to the point where I can’t be the best for them.

And so I’m done.

I’m done with the self-imposed pressure.

The pressure that comes with simply being a mom.

I’m silently turning this beautiful and worthwhile job of being a mom into a competition,

with myself.

And you know what?

I get the better of myself all the time.

I let the pressure take hold and make me a crazy person.

I let it steal my joy.

I’m trying everyday to realize that being a mother doesn’t have to be filled with pressure. It doesn’t have to be something that I have to prove to someone else I am succeeding.

More importantly, if I let go of the pressure of being the mom I “think” I’m supposed to be, I might just in fact turn into the mom I wanted to be all along.

Why do we do it, moms? Why do we put the pressure on ourselves as mothers to prove our success as moms to others? The truth about just being a mom is we are under pressure. But who is putting that pressure on us?

Next month, join me for my next installment of Mom Motivation Mondays where I will talk about my experience with managing this pressure.

A weekly series of motivation for moms brought to you by stay at home mom bloggers at The Stay-at-Home Mom Survival Guide.

Do you feel the pressure that comes from being a mom? Do you think the pressure comes more from you or society? 


Heather of Just Becoming Me contributor to Mom Motivation Mondays series at The Stay-at-Home Mom Survival GuideHeather lives in Florida with her husband, two girls and two pups. She is a lover of most things in life, too many to name here without scaring you, but a few include working out, learning new recipes, Pinterest, organizing (yes, it’s true!), home decor and learning to lead a more minimal and purposeful life.

She started Just Becoming Me as a venture to better understand herself and what will lead her towards a more fulfilling life. Her motto is: “We only have one life, and I want to learn to live mine in a way that gets me excited to jump out of bed.”



Enjoy your time at home!

Your Name

September 18, 2016 by Jaimi Erickson 4 Comments Filed Under: motherhood, motivation Tagged With: MMM contributors, mom guilt, Mommy Wars, perfect mom, Pinterest, Pinterest Perfect, successful mom

Comments

  1. Suzette says

    September 19, 2016 at 8:24 am

    I felt exactly like you years ago. With a Master’s Degree from Oxford University and a great career in finance, I left it all behind to become a SAHM. <- Even this acronym is suspicious, right?

    I'm an empty nester now. I can tell you that I filled my time as 'mom' with a lot of volunteer positions within my community. I became very active and this made me feel like I was fulfilling a few things at once: helping improve things for all children, and improving myself in the process.

    I enjoyed every moment of being a SAHM. I didn't miss a single school play, first-day-of, or games. I was a present parent for my kids (now 21 and 25), and I'm so glad I had this chance because I know many parents can't do this due to other obligations.

    And Pinterest didn't exist when my kids were little. Thank God! That's one pressure I didn't have to deal with then!

    Hang in there. You sound like a great mom already!

    Reply
    • Jaimi says

      September 24, 2016 at 1:23 pm

      Sweet words of encouragement, Suzette. We all over-think it these days. Pinterest is sometimes a help and sometimes a bad influence. 😉 What a great testimony that you do not regret a moment of being a SAHM. So many moms need to read that! Thank you for sharing with us.

      Reply
  2. Betty says

    September 18, 2016 at 10:02 pm

    I definitely feel the pressure of being a mom. I have a special needs baby and between all the medical appointments and home visits I still feel the need to do all the “normal things ” of everyday life and still feel like I failed somehow as a good mom at the end of the day. Nice to know I’m not the only one kicking myself at the end of 5he night. Thank you for your blog this week.

    Reply
    • Jaimi says

      September 24, 2016 at 1:22 pm

      You are a super hero with all that you have on your plate. Stay strong, mama! You were born for such a time as this. I am so glad that Heather’s post encouraged and connected with you.

      Reply

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