Under Pressure: The Truth about “Just Being a Mom”

Welcome to Mom Motivation Mondays where weekly contributing writers share their motherhood experiences to encourage you to find the joy in being a mom.

{This week: Post by Heather}

I’ve learned a lot of things as a mom.

I’ve developed a special set of specific skills that include but aren’t limited to

cooking dinner

while playing blocks,

while helping with homework,

while completing 3 loads of laundry.

See. A specific set of skills.

I’ve learned that being a mom is one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever had the pleasure of taking part in.

I’ve also learned that being a mom is not for the faint of heart.

I’ve learned that there are like a million things a mom is in charge of and it isn’t just trying to keep the kids alive.

If you’ve ever met my 4-year-old you’d understand what I’m talking about with the whole keeping them alive situation.

But of all the things I’ve learned about being a mom learning to deal with the pressure of being a mom has been the hardest lesson.

The truth about just being a mom.

Simply existing in the position titled “mom” is full of pressure.

More on that later, first let me back up.

The last couple of years have been really tough for me, and it’s even tougher for me to admit it to anyone let alone spill it all over the internet.

I just haven’t been in the best place emotionally, physically or mentally.

I actually feel like a spoiled girl even bringing this up. Seriously, first world problems much?

But that’s not even the worst of it, the worst thing is I won’t give myself permission to just accept it for what it is.

I won’t for 5-seconds give myself grace. (See above about first world problems)

If a friend came to me with any of these feelings, I would set time aside to sit down and get to the bottom of it. I would listen intently to her, nodding at just the right moments while she cried on my shoulder.

And I would most certainly offer her grace.

I would recognize her pain, and I would try to make her feel better, if only for the minute.

And yet with myself I will not slow down. I will not.

Both my husband and my mother have commented that I work too hard, that I push myself too much, and that I’m too critical of myself.

I plaster a smile on my face and shake my head in agreement.

But all I’m really thinking is I’m not doing enough,

I’m not doing well enough,

and I’m barely surviving.

I feel anxious all the time. I mean all. the. time.

I feel fatigue. I feel restless.

And most days I just feel like I am going out of my mind with the pressure of being a mom.

It used to just be about being a mom.

You did the best you could and that was acceptable.

Presently, I don’t believe this is true and it weighs heavily on my heart.

We all keep saying it is, but we continue to engage in ways that it’s not, myself included.

I continue to laugh when we talk about “Pinterest” moms, but as a close friend of mine pointed out to me I’m the epitome of a “Pinterest” mom.

I’m always coming up with crafts. Pinning things and actually doing them. Or making pink sparkly cupcakes while taking part in a weight loss challenge where I wasn’t actually able to eat them.

I tell other mothers how great they are when they’re down on themselves only to go home and do all the laundry, make natural deodorant from scratch and food prep all our food for the week.

I look at other mothers and can congratulate them for simply surviving the week. Then I go home and think about all the things I’ve left undone.

I always have a kind word for others and end up only seeing the bad parts of myself as a person, as a mother.

The pressure to be a mom is not only ever present in our society, it’s ever present in ourselves.

We can’t escape or shake this feeling because at the end of the day we’re still there with ourselves.

I do it to myself.

I want to be the best for my girls.

I want to be the best for my family.

And yet the pressure drives me to the point where I can’t be the best for them.

And so I’m done.

I’m done with the self-imposed pressure.

The pressure that comes with simply being a mom.

I’m silently turning this beautiful and worthwhile job of being a mom into a competition,

with myself.

And you know what?

I get the better of myself all the time.

I let the pressure take hold and make me a crazy person.

I let it steal my joy.

I’m trying everyday to realize that being a mother doesn’t have to be filled with pressure. It doesn’t have to be something that I have to prove to someone else I am succeeding.

More importantly, if I let go of the pressure of being the mom I “think” I’m supposed to be, I might just in fact turn into the mom I wanted to be all along.

Next month, join me for my next installment of Mom Motivation Mondays where I will talk about my experience with managing this pressure.

Do you feel the pressure that comes from being a mom? Do you think the pressure comes more from you or society? 

---

Heather lives in Florida with her husband, two girls and two pups. She is a lover of most things in life, too many to name here without scaring you, but a few include working out, learning new recipes, Pinterest, organizing (yes, it’s true!), home decor and learning to lead a more minimal and purposeful life.

She started Just Becoming Me as a venture to better understand herself and what will lead her towards a more fulfilling life. Her motto is: “We only have one life, and I want to learn to live mine in a way that gets me excited to jump out of bed.”

---

Enjoy your time at home!