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The Indispensability of the Stay-at-Home Mom

January 4, 2015 by Jaimi Erickson 3 Comments

Ready to have the ENERGY to be the best mom you can be? Get started! Thanks for stopping by!

Welcome back! Did you already get started here?

 

The indispensability of the stay-at-home mom can not be emphasized enough.

Did you hear the President’s recent gaffe about stay-at-home moms? He wants to liberate you from having to deal with those pesky babies of yours so you can earn a paycheck and become “full and equal participants in our economy.” The problem is, this undervalues the indispensability of the stay-at-home mom.

Isn’t that great? 

No matter how you read the President’s statement, in context or out, the result is the same: you are the enemy.

At-home moms keep him from getting as many children enrolled in daycare as possible. Personally, I’m glad the President said what he did because it shows how far this nation has fallen. It’s no longer enough to respect women’s choices when it comes to work and family.

Now we’re supposed to support the idea that daycare is comparable or even superior to being home with one’s mother.

Who believes that garbage?

Not most Americans.

Indispensability of Stay-at-Home Moms

According to Public Agenda, 70% of parents with children under age five believe “having a parent at home is best.” And 63% disagree that children in daycare receive “just as good” care and attention as with a stay-at-home parent.

These findings are commensurate with 2014 Pew data that shows 60% of Americans say children are “better off when a parent stays home to focus on the family.”Such attitudes are reflected in the number of parents choosing to stay home. In 2012, the share of at-home mothers rose to 29%, up from a modern-era low of 23% in 1999. This rise represents a reversal of the long-term decline in this group that had persisted for the last three decades of the 20th century.

One reason for the turnaround is America’s ambivalence about the effects of a mother’s absence from the home. Another is women’s exasperation in trying to keep up with the demands of full-time work and childrearing.

You may recall Anne-Marie Slaughter’s article in The Atlantic that went viral in 2012. In “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All” she writes, “A rude epiphany hit me: juggling high-level government work with the needs of two teenage boys was not possible.”

Why Parents are Choosing to Stay-at-Home

That is the message of my new book, The Two-Income Trap: Why Parents Are Choosing to Stay Home. Its premise is that raising children is a full-time job, one that dramatically alters the paths women were on prior to becoming mothers.

The indispensability of the stay-at-home mom can not be devalued.

Thus, being a top professional and a fully engaged parent simultaneously is impossible. The endless demands of children don’t allow women the freedom to dedicate themselves fully to someone or something else. Of course you know that—that’s why you’re home. Well, that and because you want to be there.

I suspect you get tired of hearing myths about your life that are accepted as Gospel but aren’t—like the idea that mothers at home are rich, or that babies and toddlers thrive in daycare.Both are categorically false.

According to the Census Bureau, 75 percent of stay-at-home moms live in households where family income is less than $100,000 per year—and many couples bring in nowhere near that figure.

The Pew data substantiates this as well: “Stay-at-home moms with working husbands are not as well off financially as married mothers who work outside the home.”

How we ever came to believe one-income families are wealthier than two-income families is curious. 

Obviously two incomes, particularly once children are in school and childcare is no longer needed, means more cash in the bank. And babies and toddlers do not thrive in daycare, as chapter six explains.You may also be tired of hearing parents say they “could never be with” their kids all day, as if you love being with children around the clock and have no desire to do anything else with your time.

Newsflash: that’s not why these mothers do what they do. 

They do it because they feel personally responsible for the care of their children.

Or because they didn’t have a parent at home when they were young and want a different life for their children.

Or because it makes no sense to continue working when the majority of one paycheck goes to daycare.

Or because they don’t want to miss out on the early years, despite the sacrifices.

Or because they want a peaceful lifestyle, not a chaotic one.

Or because they believe children deserve a parent at home.

The loss of income is,  for most married mothers at home, beside the point.

"When we choose to have children, we choose a different life-one with endless trade-offs. That's why the concept of 'having it all' is bogus." -Suzanne Venker

When we choose to have children, we choose a different life—one with endless trade-offs. That’s why the concept of ‘having it all’ is bogus. The Two-Income Trap is about the sacrifices parents at home make and about the value of those sacrifices. It’s about why it isn’t worth it to live a chaotic life and how putting family first is always more satisfying.

The book has been a lifeline for many women. Here is just a sampling of emails and comments I’ve received from readers:

This book is a breath of fresh air! I have felt the pressure and disdain of the media and of fellow mothers who believe being a stay-at-home mom is a demeaning and foolish role. It’s hard not to buy into the lie that your mind will atrophy and your professional abilities will shrivel and die while at home with your children!

With the logical precision of a good trial lawyer, Venker takes on [the myths about staying home] and shows convincingly the fallacy behind each one.

Ms. Venker writes so articulately regarding many of the thoughts I have had as a mother but didn’t know how to express. She helps us realize that, as we have more and more choices in our lives, there are always repercussions to our choices. We can ‘have it all,’ but maybe not all at the same time. Thank you, Suzanne, for saying what we all need to hear!

Thank you, Ms. Venker, for making me feel that what I am doing by staying home is the best thing for my children!

The author has decided to cut through the culture’s politically correct rhetoric and simply tell it like it is: children want their moms around. Her basic premise is that motherhood has become all about the mother’s needs and not the children’s needs.

This book spoke to me in so many ways. I wasn’t alive during the feminist movement, but I’m left with the residual. It almost feels like there was a collective cry of, “it’s more important to be a hunter than a collector.” And since that time, every effort has been made to manipulate statistics and bury counterarguments to underscore this idea.

The Two-Income Trap is now available! To continue the conversation, go to www.suzannevenker.com or visit my Facebook page.

Thanks for all you do to make a home for your family!

This post is featured in A Complete Guide for Stay-at-Home Moms: When You Need to Connect with SAHMs Who Get It! Connect with other SAHMs by reading their thoughts HERE.


Suzanne Venker guest posts at The Stay-at-Home-Mom Survival Guide about how stay-at-home moms are important and we need to remember what "having it all" really means.

SUZANNE VENKER is an author and frequent guest on Fox News. She tackles a range of social issues surrounding marriage and the family (as well as the infamous gender wars) as outlined in her three books and recent eBook, The War on Men. The War on Men was published on the heels of a Fox article of the same name that went viral in November 2012—landing Suzanne a spot on The View.

In late 2013, Suzanne founded Women for Men, a news and opinion website committed to the needs of boys and men. She is also a trustee at Leading Women for SharedParenting and is part of the commission to establish a White House Council on Boys & Men. Suzanne has written for various publications, including the New York Post, St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Parents.com, and The Daily Caller. Her TV credits include STOSSEL, The View, Fox & Friends, ABCNews.com, CNN and C-Span. She has appeared on literally hundreds of radio shows throughout the country.  Suzanne and her family live in St. Louis, MO.

A BIG thank you to Suzanne for being a leading force in presenting important points for women to think about as we balance life with children. I am thrilled to have her guest posting here! 

The conversation about “having it all” is an important one for women. One of the goals of this blog is to be sure that we women before, during, and after children are thinking about what “having it all” really means. I know differing thoughts can be a bit controversial, but the conversation is what is important. 

Value your role as a mom, a stay-at-home mom. It is a valid choice and an important one. I applaud Suzanne for her mission of empowering stay-at-home moms to recognize their value. 

We must remember the power and importance of a mother in the life of her child.

Thank you, Suzanne!

 Support for Stay-at-Home Moms

Join the conversation over on the Survival Guide Facebook page, Google+ page or leave a comment below about why you choose to be a stay-at-home mom. I love reading your thoughts!

Subscribe to the newsletter to receive weekly updates plus snippets of mom motivation via email. Join with me and other moms over on Facebook, Google+, Twitter or Pinterest.

Looking for more encouragement about being a stay-at-home-mom? Click here.

The indispensability of the stay-at-home mom.

Successful Mom Daily Checklist to help you gain balance between housework and play time with the kids. Get more done, and feel more successful as a mom and homemaker.

Enjoy your time at home!

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Filed Under: motherhood, motivation Tagged With: books, politics, stay at home mom, Suzanne Venker

Comments

  1. Melissa Matters says

    January 6, 2015 at 9:29 pm

    These statistics are so interesting! We make well under $100,000 but have cut out a lot of the extras like cable television, a gardener, new cars, going to the movies, etc. Great post!

    Reply
    • Jaimi says

      January 12, 2015 at 6:14 pm

      Melissa, It is so true that this choice to stay home does come with a lot of sacrifices! All worth it for what we share with and teach our children about the importance of building family. As always, I appreciate you sharing. I know that others of us are also making sacrifices and are not financially able to do whatever we want on one income. Suzanne always has such important points in her posts and books.

      Reply

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  1. Complete Guide for Stay-at-Home Moms: When You Need to Connect With Other SAHMs - The Stay-at-Home-Mom Survival Guide says:
    August 22, 2015 at 6:03 am

    […] The Indispensability of the Stay-at-Home Mom – Suzanne Venker @ The Stay-at-Home-Mom Survival Guide […]

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I pictured myself as a mom of boys before having m I pictured myself as a mom of boys before having my babies. I have learned so much from all my children but having my girls is a blessing I never knew I needed. 

Want to eliminate mean girls? Raise daughters to do the opposite.

Want to teach women to better communicate with each other? Raise daughters to listen and articulate.

They are my own little girl group and I am grateful for it. They love me on my bad days and give me compliments I do not even deserve. 

I do love being the mom of girls (and boys). They both teach me so much. 

What are the top lessons you wish girls would learn before becoming adults? 

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Will you be spending time with family for Easter? Will you be spending time with family for Easter? 

My husband’s parents have arrived - adding one more big dog to our house and lots of crafts and fun. We have not seen them since June. Everyone is excited to spend time together.

Both of my big kids have birthdays and we will all get to spend time at the beach this month. Our school work will morph into field trips so we soak up every day we can being present with family. 

I am looking forward to making memories, soaking in time together and celebrating two milestone birthdays - one happening tomorrow. 💛 

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🌟The faces we make when a Costco run with all t 🌟The faces we make when a Costco run with all the kids actually goes well!!! 🌟 

Ice cream after helped of course. 😂

All prepped for my in-laws coming to visit us after not seeing them since our move last summer. Looking forward to some fun events ahead that will make my kids think they are on spring break but they will technically be field trip days. Check, check. 

Are you guys on spring break this week? What do you have planned?

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Some days you put on the 10 year old comfy jeans, Some days you put on the 10 year old comfy jeans, fill your mind with encouragement and just keep moving forward. 

Recovery days are not just for working out. They are for the mental state we walk around with too. Yesterday felt heavy. My God is a power lifter and takes the burden away. 

Today will be better.

Today we will rest and refocus.

Hooray for comfy jeans, motivational graphics and the Word to focus on through it all. 

(Faith fashion: @choseninchrist use code Jaimi to save.)

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🌟That Face!!🌟 That little boy is soon to t 🌟That Face!!🌟 

That little boy is soon to turn 13, guys! I mean in a few weeks. 😅

This is a throwback but brings back so many fun memories. 

—————————————

I love creating activities and crafts on the fly. Always have even before my kids were here.

I noticed that my son did not have a lot of little toy people to play with while he was pretending one day. We have a few cylinder blocks in a set. We never used them when we built. I thought we could turn them into little DIY toy people. 

They were so cute and easy to make. It was a preschool art project for him. We made them together.

If you don’t have wooden cylindrical blocks at home, you can use pieces of wood dowel or even a few square blocks glued together. You can even make DIY toy people out of toilet paper tubes. 

🌟Full details through Blog link in bio 🌟

——————————————

I am so excited and yet in complete shock by how fast these little lives grow. I have never missed moments and I am so so grateful especially as we approach the teen years in my house. 💛 Soak up even the hard days of being a mom. TOTALLY worth it. 

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👌 There are a lot of parenting opinions out the 👌 There are a lot of parenting opinions out there. I try to ignore a lot of them. 😂 

My kids stay up later than most recommend, but so did I when I was a kid. 

She loves to read. She loves to write. Abby writes plays, journal entries, songs and on a bad day she will write her feelings about it all, in depth, no holds barred. 

This night she was trying to finish up a play - setting, character details, order of lines - for a play she made for her younger sister. 

I am so thankful that we can count her love of writing in her free time as school work. I am so thankful that how we do school allows this passion and talent to thrive. She has stacks of drawings, plays and writing blurbs. They are all precious to her.

There are days I question whether this choice or that choice is right or “approved,” but it does not matter when I see my children dive deep into the things they love. 

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Family time this Sunday was a 5k fundraiser race. We helped raise 💵 for the spouses’ club scholarship fund. Scholarships will be awarded for post secondary education to military kids and spouses. 

If you can choose any action in life, choose to help others. Side bonus when it involves fun family time together.

Best day yet. 💛💛💛

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💛 Friday Introductions💛 It has been a while 💛 Friday Introductions💛

It has been a while since I did a good run-down here to give ya the cliffs notes (are those still a thing) version of me. 👋 

💛 Detroit-born a few blocks from where Eminem lived. The city is still my hometown despite moving away as a kid.

💛 I am a big believer in traditional values, but with a modern woman twist. My husband drives his career and I drive this household.

💛 We live in eastern NC 30 mins from the beach. I want to stay here forever, truly, but military life will come to an end some day...still don’t know specifically when that will be.

💛Born and raised to be a planner, Type A personality, having 4 kids beat that out of me 🤣 and I am very “day at a time” now. 

💛I was a teacher turned stay at home mom turned blogger turned entrepreneur that had to set it all on the back burner a bit to focus on homeschooling my kids. I can only have so much on my plate and complete it successfully. (When we listen, God guides and is loud and clear with His direction. 💛)

💛I believe I can be humble and confident; I can be fully present with my kids and make space to rest and rejuvenate; I believe the biggest successes I will achieve in life will not have a paycheck as its valuation. 

💛I believe that true peace, value and love all come from Jesus. 

You will find me sharing the ups AND the downs of motherhood, wife life, homeschooling and being a Christian woman with the modern day pull to fight what that can mean. (There is def a force trying to convince us to push those values aside, my friends.)

👌What is the cliffs notes version of you? What do you want people to know/realize most of all?

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🌟Teaching Kids to Make Friends🌟 Often our c 🌟Teaching Kids to Make Friends🌟

Often our children learn hard lessons when they have to move to a new state or school. 

My kids have become all too familiar with this through military life. Every three years they have to make new friends.

It is not always simple.

As a child, my family moved a lot. We were not military, but in junior high I moved to a new state and had to make all new friends.

This was a challenging and even to some extent a traumatic time of life.

Being the new kid, is a humbling experience. Suddenly you are hoping that your peers will want to get to know you and like you. It creates some self-consciousness.

Reading is such a beneficial way to teach children about life lessons. It teaches much more than that. It teaches self esteem through the cuddle time. It teaches language skills, and it teaches children to use their minds to be creative.

As they have grown and navigated more friendships, books are a resource for us to discuss tough challenges. I have found a great series of books that present friendship challenges and help children learn to navigate them.

It just so happens that the author is my neighbor too! How cool is that?! Moms are amazing.

These books will be treasured by your family for their quality values. The @stingrayjelly series teach children how to make friends and navigate friendships to love others well and support them through shared similarities and recognized differences.

Author, Lauren Giannella is a military wife and my neighbor! Anna Perdue is the illustrator and also a military child. 

Read my blog post for details on each book and links to purchase through @barnesandnoble 

We love our military community and all they do to give back.

What are your favorite children’s books that teach children how to make friends or help them maneuver through tough life challenges?

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