Until my twin pregnancy, I never thought pregnancy and a baby were anything other than blessings. They are gifts from God, rewards one verse calls them. That is what I thought until we traveled down the road of genetic testing with the twins.
I still remember the phone call like it happened yesterday:
“Hello, may I speak with Mrs. Erickson?”
“Yes, this is she.”
“I am one of the genetic counselors at the clinic. I wanted to call because I have the results of your screening tests.”
My heart started racing. I was not near tears, but my palms started to get clammy. I had been mentally preparing for whatever the results were going to show. Telling myself that we could take care of these babies no matter the results.
I was at the point of almost hoping there would be some abnormality. That’s weird to say, I know. But, I wanted to prove that my love for these babies was not conditional. That is where my mind went in this crazy situation.
“All of the results are negative.”
Silence on my end…a long silence.
I was absorbing her words. Tossing them around in my head. Relieved…and sad that I felt relief…
I had to hold back my emotions, but my voice was unsteady.
“Oh, ok, thank you.”
My voice did not sound convincing.
“That is good news, I hope.”
Wait, what? Good news?
Yes, of course healthy babies are good news.
But, what if we had been given the other possibility?
Are babies with health challenges bad news?
My heart and emotions fell apart for the parents of those babies when I hung up the phone. The ones who have to face that someone thinks their baby is bad news.
How could anyone think that?
I was immediately overcome with irritation and frustrated at that choice of wording. Yes, no doubt our healthy-as-far-as-the-testing-revealed-babies were good news. But, they would have been good news had we found out that they were predisposed to health issues too.
My parents did not have the option to check my DNA for any abnormalities. Good thing! I am glad that they did not get to know that I would have hernia issues at 6 weeks old, chronic ear infections while still a small child and Crohn’s disease by 10 years old. Small problems to some, but what if they had been given that news? Would they have
decided to end the pregnancy?
Babies and the experience of motherhood are good news. All of it taught me the precious nature of life and how much strength and faith motherhood was going to be required of me.
No baby is bad news.
Every child is a gift, every lesson of parenthood is a blessing, and every challenge given to us is a sign that we need to have faith to gain true strength.
I was directed to
this article with a touching story of remembering how much all children are capable of learning no matter their needs.
No child is bad news. There are no roses without a few thorns. The greatest love can grow from the greatest challenge.
Have you gone down the road of genetic testing? What are your thoughts-good or bad-on that?
This post was featured in A Complete Guide for Stay-at-Home Moms: Pregnancy and Caring for Baby.
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I loved this post. When I was pregnant with my second, a blood test showed a possibility some abnormalities, so the doctors were pushing me to get amniocentesis, etc, etc. I had to decline further testing like 20 times and they still were asking, "Are you SURE?" My thought at the time was, "Cool it guys – it's a baby, not a science fair experiment!" It was great to know that there might be a possibility of the baby having some type of abnormality so we could prepare a little if that turned out to be the case, but it wasn't necessary, really. And we didn't care about further testing because it wouldn't change anything – and to us, definitely not worth the small risk of miscarriage for amniocentesis!
I'm a mom of two girls…when the gynaecologist offered to have a genetic test, we refused. it didn't matter to me if my baby would have a certain illness or genetic predisposition. he or she would be my baby, and that was all that mattered. an opinion not really appreciated by our doctor, but it was our baby, not hers
It can seem like the docs go a bit test-crazy for sure. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Heidi. Your girls are blessed to have you!