Being a parent is the most exciting, rewarding, and terrifying thing you’ll ever do. As a mom, you’ll want the best for your child. You’ll also want to protect them from all harm, yet you need to teach them to be independent.

I know it’s a fine line; being over-protective isn’t beneficial. Children need to learn that life isn’t always fair, but that there are things they can do to deal with issues. As a mom, it’s essential to give them the confidence to share and confide in those they trust.

This can be a huge benefit throughout life. Just look at the horrifying case of Dr. Fabio Ortega and the sexual abuse lawsuit. He was arrested in 2018 on charges of sexually abusing patients, his crimes span decades. It’s a reminder that even in positions of trust, respect, and responsibility can abuse their powers.

Adults can find it hard to recognize the abuse and confront it. Especially when so many children are entering daycare at just 6 weeks old. Children are likely to find it much harder as they are still learning about the world around them.

To ensure your child doesn’t think abuse, sexual or otherwise, is normal, you need to be aware of the signs and be prepared to both talk to and listen to them.

Identify the Abuser

Research shows approximately 90% of victims of child abuse know their abuser. It’s this that can make it difficult for the child to either recognize abuse or speak up about it.

They are likely to either be afraid of what the abuser will do if they tell anyone about it, or simply want to protect the person they feel is a friend.

Unfortunately, abusers are often those in positions of power, such as their soccer coach,

Top Signs Of Abuse

Mention child abuse and you’re probably thinking of bruises or perhaps broken bones, terrible ‘accidents’.

However, physical abuse is only one type of abuse. Sexual abuse and emotional abuse are often much harder to see.  Here’s what you need to be looking for:

· Injuries

Injuries are the most common sign of abuse. It could be anything from a hand-shaped bruise to bleeding around sensitive or private areas. If you find a physical injury on your child and don’t know what caused it, you need to consider abuse.

· Changes in personality

You know your child. If their personality suddenly changes you should suspect abuse. Abused children are likely to become withdrawn and may show signs of depression.

They are likely to be fearful, especially around certain people. You may even notice their development slows. Depending on their age it could show as poor results at school or a reduced interest in learning.

The biggest clue is that the personality change is sudden.

· Avoiding someone

Children who are unsure how to deal with a situation are likely to try to avoid it. That means they will do their best not to see someone, or to fade into the background when you are speaking to the abuser.

They are unlikely to offer a reason, it will just become clear they don’t want to see a specific person.

· Making excuses

Your child may also start to make excuses. Such as they feel sick when it’s time to go to what was their favorite after-school club. If this happens regularly then there is clearly an issue that you need to investigate.

· Knowledge that your child shouldn’t yet have

If your child suddenly seems very knowledgeable about things that you feel are too adult for them, then they have been given access to this information by someone other than you.

You need to ask how they could have got this information and whether it’s a sign of abuse.

· Anxiety

If a child is abused and doesn’t know what to do about it they are likely to become increasingly anxious. This will be evident in any situation similar to the abusive one and any new scenario.

· Low self-esteem

Alongside becoming anxious, your child is likely to feel that they are no longer worthy, capable, or deserving of specific behaviors or rewards.

What You Can Do

Identifying your child may be being abused will make your heart sink. The key step here is to find a safe space and talk to your child. Tell them you know something is happening that they are not comfortable with.

Make sure they know it’s not their fault and they won’t be in trouble for sharing. Then, all you can do is listen.

Only after you know the story can you contact the relevant authorities and make sure it doesn’t happen to your child, or any other again.