Welcome to Mom Motivation Mondays where weekly contributing writers share their motherhood experiences to encourage you to find the joy in being a mom.
{This week: Post by Lisa}
No parent is exempt from the wrath of a tantrum, and it’s not unusual to feel totally defeated. Tantrums are a typical behavior for toddlers and three-year old’s. I know how it feels to parent an irrational, upset little being. It is exhausting to try to explain to a furious child why something is wrong or why the answer is “no.”
Sometimes when young children are disappointed they throw themselves on the ground, cry hysterically, scream like their pants are on fire, and kick the walls with all their might.
There is no reasoning with young children when they are disappointed. That is not developmentally appropriate for toddlers or preschoolers. Instead children need our guidance to help them process their emotions and tools to handle themselves appropriately.
For many Moms, it breaks our heart to see our child disappointed. Sometimes Moms avoid conflict and say yes to everything, while other Moms are very controlling and bossy.
Neither one of these approaches will help children deal with disappointment in the long run.
Children must learn to cope with disappointment at a very early age. They need to know that life isn’t always going to go their way and life at times is unfair. Children who always get what they want struggle with contentment and they feel entitled to everything.
They manipulate others to do what they want them to do and selfishly they put themselves above others.
They don’t do well waiting or working hard.
It’s a sad sight to see a spoiled child who is never happy with what they have and they don’t appreciate the things they do have.
Children are often given more than they can handle and there are ways to measure that by observing how they care for the things they do have.
Children don’t need more toys if their one toy box is full, or if their play room floor is covered with games, books, and cars.
They don’t need more things to do if they can’t seem to find their shoes or pick up when it is time.
Sometimes parents do things for their kids based on what they see other parents doing. They don’t want their child to feel left out, so they will buy things they can’t afford or things that are used only once, just to make their child happy.
How many toys do you see sit in the garage, storage, or basement collecting dust? My home is cluttered and I’m working on changing that.
I hate to admit this, our family has too much and I’m overwhelmed with the clutter, it’s a chore to sort through, get rid of, sell, and organize. It’s time consuming and I hate that things are taking over my house.
The worst part of it all, my kids don’t seem to appreciate what they have. They don’t take care of it and they have a tough time finding stuff.
We are in this mess because I said yes too much. They have been given more than they can handle.
Looking back as to when my two kids were toddlers and preschool age, I can see more clearly now that we were on the go all the time. I wish I had spent more time helping them learn to pick up after themselves, play with what they had, and get rid of things when they were done with it.
Today I see the importance of implementing clean up instructions at an early age and not moving on until tasks are completed.
I have learned the hard way. Kids get used to living in mess, getting more, and they get overwhelmed with picking up because they have too much.
Now our family has daily chores and a schedule for cleaning. We stopped buying things, and kindly asked family members to limit what they give to our kids.
My kids are getting better at caring for things and they seem to enjoy their stuff better now that we are more organized.
As I sit here sharing my story with you, feeling a bit frustrated with the work ahead of me, I think of my momma friends with little ones on their way to the store. Oh what a chore!
I feel for you mommas, because it’s in the middle of the store that little ones throw themselves on the floor, and they throw a tantrum when momma simply says, “No, we are not buying that toy.”
I want to encourage all of you mommas today reading this post:
Don’t feel bad if your child is the one on the floor in the middle of the store having a melt-down.
You’re doing an excellent job.
Don’t give in.
Don’t worry about what others think.
Gently pick them up and walk them to an area where they can safely calm down.
Wait with them quietly until they are done with their fit.
You might have to take them to the car until they are calm.
After the tantrum storm, show empathy without giving in to their demand. Show them you understand their disappointment. Maybe they can learn to save money and buy it themselves.
To help prevent a melt down at the store, create a list of things you will buy and talk about it with the kids. Have them help you find the items.
If they ask for anything that isn’t on the list, remind them that you only brought money for the listed items. This is a wonderful way to teach responsibility.
At the end of the day, we want our children to be thankful for what they have, cooperate, and be responsible. Don’t let your children’s emotions rattle you.
It’s important to let kids be uncomfortable and to feel frustrated. Some kids are packed with emotions and life can be intense.
If you are overwhelmed with your child’s ongoing emotional melt downs and you feel exhausted, I’d like to offer you support. I’m a Certified Parent Coach. Please shoot me an email lisadesign@comcast.net if you would like more information about a guided parent coaching program.
Lisa is an aspiring writer with a mother’s passion for Homeschool Education. She has an 8 yr. old son, a 7 yr. old daughter, and has been married to her husband for 10+ yrs. Prior to marriage, she worked over 20 yrs. enriching the lives of hundreds of children and families. Lisa has a Bachelors in Social Work and Early Childhood Education. You can read more of Lisa’s posts on her blog – The Family Roadmap.
Enjoy your time at home!
Great article. I will say, there are a lot of other factors that go into dealing with tantrums. Making sure I keep my kids fed before the store (or activity) keeps them from getting hangry. I also try to make sure that they aren’t going to be tired when I plan stuff. It’s not always (and I’d venture to say rarely) a spoiled kid throwing a trantrum, often normal childhood meltdowns (because they are dealing with big emotions, or have a sensory processing disorder) turn into trantrums because they are not helped through it before it becomes full blown. Moms with sensory processing issues hear often that their kid is spoiled, it’s important to remember that there could be a deeper issue going on. Preparing then ahead of time is a big help. I walk my kids through how things are going to go anytime we go out. Thanks for sharing.
I agree. Tantrums happen for a variety of reasons. Thanks for sharing your personal experiences.