If you’re currently reading this in the early hours of the morning while bouncing a fussy baby and Googling why they won’t sleep, know that you’re not alone. This phase will eventually end, but when you’re in it, it’s not easy. In fact, sleep deprivation was used as a form of torture in the wars, and now you know why.
Babies are amazing bundles of joy until it’s bedtime and they transform into wide eyed, nap resistant nocturnal little owls. So why do babies fight sleep like it’s their sworn enemy, and what can you do about it without losing your mind? Let’s take a look at some of the reasons that newborns just really refuse to sleep.
When Babies Do Not Sleep: Reasons Why
They don’t know how.
You’ve been on this earth for God knows how many years and babies have only been on this earth for a few days, hours or weeks. They don’t come with built in sleep skills and no matter what book you might read to help your baby get into a routine, none of it will matter before six months because they still need you and they need to contact nap on you as much as possible.
You can use tools like swaddles and a white noise machine, but it’s still not a guarantee. Unlike adults, they haven’t developed the ability to regulate their sleep cycles or self soothe. When a baby is crying in the night, they’re crying because they need something, not because they want to.
Routines and gentle sleep cues will work overtime, but in the beginning it’s all about that 4th trimester. They’re looking to be on you and touching your body at all times because you have been all they know. They’re just getting used to the world.
They’re overtired.
The more tired a baby is, the easier they’ll fall asleep. Or so they say. Sadly, babies don’t often play by logic. When they’re awake for too long, it’s their bodies that get overstimulated, releasing stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline and actually making it harder for them to settle down.
A baby who misses their nap might turn into a shrieking gremlin by bedtime rather than collapsing into a grateful slumber. The important thing to do is to trick by keeping an eye on the waking windows. Ideally every hour and a half you should be looking to wind them down for the next nap at the beginning. But that’s not always going to play easy because babies don’t play by rules.
The 4th trimester.
This is something we’ve touched on already, but it deserves its own space. The 4th trimester is something that most parents don’t realize. Of course you can’t have 4 actual trimesters, but it’s a made-up one, meaning the first six weeks of a newborn’s life.
That baby has grown inside your body, listening to you breathing and your heart beating and feeling all of your movements and hearing your voice from the inside of your body, then they move into this crazy, scary, loud, bright, big, bad world. All they want in those first six weeks especially, is to be back inside the womb. So they tuck up against you and they feel soothed when they’re on your chest or they feel soothed when they’re in your arms.
Too many parents try to rush detachment when actually there’s no reason to. It’s OK to contact nap, and it’s OK to hold your baby until they sleep. Try to put them down and start all over again. Babies are just about learning what the difference is between your body and the new world, and the new world is terrifying for a newborn so allow them to sleep on you safely where possible.
Sleep regression.
If there’s one thing that people don’t talk about, it’s regression in sleep. Babies go through leaps during their first year of development, which means that their sleep is going to be messed up. Every time you think you’ve got them into a good routine, they go through a leap and their sleep disrupts. It’s not easy to deal with, but the only way you can get through it is. Keep the same routines.
It may feel tempting to put them to bed earlier in the hope that they’ll actually sleep later, or vice versa, but it doesn’t work that way. It doesn’t matter what time you put your baby to bed or how you do it. A regression is a regression. So all they want is you. Keep the routines the same and you’ll be fine.
They’re hungry.
This is especially true for newborns, but hunger is one of the top reasons they’ll wake during the night. Baby tummies are the size of a walnut and they digest their milk or formula very quickly. So if it’s been a couple of hours since their last meal, the chances are they’re not just being dramatic, they’re genuinely hungry. (See more about breastfeeding successfully.)
Trying to force them into a four hourly schedule like they used to do in the 1970s is not a good idea. Nor is it a good idea to start spoon feeding your baby food before six months in the hopes that a heavier tummy will make them sleep. All you’ll do is set them up for a lifetime of stomach issues.
Make sure that you are feeding your baby as they need to and if that means cluster feeding, which is where they snack and sip for a couple of hours at a time, then so be it.
The new baby stage is full of so many sweet moments. But, those moments can come with a lot of concern and worry. Your baby is developing on a path that you sometimes cannot control. Remember that this stage is special, and it goes by fast. Relax and soak it in; baby learns a lot of confidence from all the cuddle time they need.
