Have you noticed this puzzling trend? In a time of anti-bullying legislation and overall intolerance for criticism of any kind, soft bullying of moms from other moms is taking place. I say soft bullying because it goes unnoticed by the one doing it; it is often masked in humor all at the expense of some moms.
I recently saw a meme on a blog that I really enjoy that called women with clean homes “dull” and women with messy homes “fascinating.”
I understand we moms need to laugh off the tough days. We want affirmation that if we can’t keep our homes and lives in perfect order all the time, we are still valuable and successful. That is true.
Let me tell you, my house is messy more than clean these days. It is not what I prefer. I do have 4 kids and they can make some big messes faster than they and I can clean them up!
No, this is not about having the perfect, magazine-image home. This is about poking fun at moms who do motherhood well.
Yep, we are actually teasing moms who appear successful, as if having life “together” is a bad thing. Poking fun at them as we teach our children to treat others as we wish to be treated.
Confused?
Me too.
When Did Being a Good Mom Become a Bad Thing?
When did being a good mom become a bad thing? When did a clean home, well-adjusted kids and a happy marriage turn into negatives? This is interesting.
It is apparently cool to call yourself a bad mom. You can read about that here. We get criticized if we call ourselves good moms as if confidence in motherhood means we are arrogant, prideful, judgmental…huh?
There is an interesting article called Why the Bad Mother Trend is Not Good that I found via the MOPS International blog. Here is a quote:
“I don’t think I’m alone in declaring that I’m not a bad momand I have no desire to identify myself as a bad mom.In fact, I’m a very good mom and I’m proud of it.”
No Perfect Moms
I will be the first to admit here and in this post, as well as this post, that I am not perfect-whatever that is.
Do I try hard to be a good mom and wife? Yes, even if I fail at times.
Do I have days where I am not put together and my kids misbehave? Yes.
But that is not what I want to celebrate.
I want to work hard to have good days, while learning from the bad. Can’t we moms connect knowing that bad moments happen but we can rise above them?
I think the women with clean homes and well behaved children ought to be praised! It is not my job to determine if they are faking it or not. That is between them and God. I know many are NOT faking it.
The Bible says we will be judged by our fruit-what we produce is what defines us.
Ye shall know them by their fruits.
Matthew 7:16, KJV
Moms Doing their Best
I want to do my best to produce good fruit, good kids, a great marriage and a joyful life. My “fruit” will take years to be fully produced. A bad day today does not mean you are a bad mom.
The biggest disrespect the world shows moms these days is telling the good ones to shut up. I think differently. I want the good moms to share all that works for them, so I can learn and try it in my home. I may not get all of their strategies to work for me, but why not try? Rejecting moms because they have things figured out is arrogant. That is not what a good mom does.
Will you join me in celebrating women who have figured out how to serve their families well and stop criticizing them? Can we learn from them knowing that we are still learning in our stage of motherhood and may be in a different place?
A good mom tries, learns, grows, respects and celebrates. Love one another applies to mom relationships too. So, let’s try it-love one another in motherhood.
This post is featured in A Complete Guide for Stay-at-Home Moms: When You Need Encouragement
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Enjoy your time at home!
Thank you for this. My daughter is 7 months old and was born with hip dysplasia (which has led to braces, surgery, and a cast), which may or may not be due to her being breech, which may or may not be due to me having a funky uterus. It's been so easy to blame myself, I almost feel like I have to blame myself. I've been so negative towards myself and my motherhood since she was born. But for whatever reason your post made something click in my head. I don't have to blame myself and I don't have to be self-deprecating about problems that I have no control over, or about my parenting. Because I am a good mom and I'm doing my best with the situation the Lord has seen fit to give us. Just know you've made a difference in at least one person's life. Thank you.
Jill, you sound like a very strong mom! You are so right that God gives us situations so we rely on Him and not ourselves. I bet He has equipped you to be such a great mom given the needs of your daughter. What a blessed girl she is to have you. You made my day with this comment. Thank you-and for all you do for your family!
I love this! I know I personally have even joked over something with a "haha, I'm a terrible mom." But I'm not. My child is polite, well adjusted, flexible, and the sweetest 2.5yr old most people have met. Sure, a lot of it is her personality but I am raising her well. I am a good mom. I have totally been made to feel bad because I have a fairly clean house and make most our food from scratch ("I'm too busy playing to take care of the house"). But hey, we also watch more than the recommended amount of TV. So I've had the "perfect mom" types try to guilt me too. I really wish moms would own their decisions without feeling guilty and stop the "soft bullying" of other moms.
I love your candid comment here, Julie. You are revealing so much of importance-you show your strengths and how it balances out in your home. All of us have the things we do well-my house is generally picked up of toys at the end of the day-but there may be pots and pans on the stove that have not been washed yet, or laundry not yet put in drawers. This is so important for all moms to see. We each have to find our balance by exploiting our strengths! Thank you so much for sharing!
I stumbled across your post via Facebook and realized I know you! Small world, especially in the Marine Corps. Anyway, I agree. I want to learn from the moms who "have it all together" and when I figure out something, or it really clicks for my family, I want to share! I'm encouraged when I see a mom balancing things well.
It is a small world! You make a great point-we can learn from other moms, but we can also help other moms with our experiences. Thanks for stopping by!
Sensational article! You have put a lot of things into perspective for me. Sometimes…sometimes I feel bad that I'm trying to be too Mrs. Duggarish (19 Kids and Counting mom) but then I remember what an awesome example she is and I don't feel bad anymore.
Sara
Sara, that means a lot to me. I am trying to figure this motherhood thing out too. I think learning from successful moms is important, but molding what works for them into what can work for us is key. Great examples should be in our sights-it only helps us get better. All the best to you!
Yes! It seems to be popular to say you fed your children unhealthy food and let them watch 100 hours of television. We all have our off days and I sometimes like to poke fun at my inadequacies too. However, at the end of the day, I'm really trying my best to have a clean home, healthy dinner, and good relationships.
Exactly! Working towards having more good days than bad ones is what I like to do too.