Stuck in the Bad Moments of Motherhood

Welcome to Mom Motivation Mondays where weekly contributing writers share their motherhood experiences to encourage you to find the joy in being a mom.

{This week: Post by Kristin Helms}

“I was up four times last night…again!” I was complaining (again) to one of my mom friends at the park while we pushed our toddlers on the swing and swayed side to side with our babies in carriers on our chests.

She gave a sympathetic, “Ugh!” sound before replying, “I hear you – last week my daughter was up for three hours straight…in the middle of the night!”

I gasped at the thought of trying to comfort a crying baby for three hours.

There we were, in the thick of it – the baby phase of life where no one sleeps, everyone is on-edge and there’s little hope to hang onto, besides sympathetic words from your fellow mom tribe. The bad moments of motherhood can be overwhelming.

A few of us had recently welcomed our “round two” babies. For the past six months, our play dates were consumed by the topic of “sleep”:

Whose baby is not sleeping and whose baby is sleeping?

What did that mom do differently than I’m doing to get her baby to sleep?

Have you tried this mattress?

Have you read this article?

Do you want to borrow this swaddle?

On and on it went.

We were all tired, pushed to our physical limits, and hyper-focused on fixing our babies’ sleep issues.

“When does it end?” I asked her. “We have to be inching towards a light at the end of the tunnel soon, right? RIGHT?!”

She turned to me with a look of despair and said, “I sure hope so!”

As I loaded my two-year-old and five-month old back into the double stroller and started our trek back home – a living, breathing, sleep-deprived “mombie” – I played the conversation with my friend back in my head. As I thought about our exchange, it just all felt so negative – our tone, our body language, our relentless complaining. It also occurred to me that I should have asked my friend how her husband was doing at his new job, or what she thought about the new episode of Game of Thrones, or what her family’s plans were for the upcoming weekend. I realized that we had spent the last hour-and-a-half at the park discussing sleep, and lack thereof. How exhausting.

And then I had a thought; what if I stopped talking about the bad, especially the things that were hard to control – like newborn sleep habits – and started only talking about the good.  What if I gave myself a “sleep talk” intervention?

That day at the park with my mom-friend, I had been so enthralled with sleep talk that I forgot to share that my son was sitting up on his own now. That when I went to pick him up this morning he started belly laughing for no apparent reason, and I looked down at him and laughed out loud, and we laughed together – back and forth – for 30 seconds straight.

I forgot to share that we tried a new puree this morning – green beans – and he gobbled them right up. My daughter insisted on feeding him and he smiled the biggest, toothless smile every time she shoved the spoon in his mouth.

I forgot to mention that when I rocked him back to sleep at 2 A.M., I stayed in the rocking chair a little longer than necessary, smelling his little bald head and soaking up his cuddles, because I could sense that he was getting bigger and more independent and I knew our rocking chair cuddle moments were fleeting.

I forgot to mention that his new bath time routine involves kicking his legs so fast that he splashes his sister, and they both laugh at each other which melts me to my core.

I forgot to share all the good.

And by forgetting to share the good, I found myself lost in the bad.

I had listened to my own sleep-deprived sob-story one too many times and its negative energy, performed by the world’s smallest and most off-key violin, was deafening!

Enough!

Instead of focusing on the one issue I was having with my baby, I would now focus on the countless other things in our lives that were good – more than good, actually – the best!

Now don’t get me wrong – one of the greatest perks of having a trusty mom tribe, is that you’re allowed to vent to them about the hard days, and turn to them for ideas or suggestions – every mom needs that kind of support when navigating the open seas of motherhood! But, it’s also a slippery slope to only discuss the hardships instead of sharing all of the amazing moments in motherhood – the ones that shake you to your core and are forever imprinted into your brain and soul. We must remember to also share those good moments!

Two things happened when I made the vow to myself to only focus on the good:

1. My son continued to be a horrible sleeper, but I didn’t care as much. Yes, I was still an exhausted mom, but I was choosing to focus on all of the happiness and joy he brought me and our family every day. In turn, I was happier.
2.  I began to enjoy conversations with my mom tribe again. The negative hints and hopeless remarks were replaced with the sharing of funny baby stories and heartwarming moments in time – you know, the good stuff.

Let this be a public service announcement to all the mamas who are in “the thick of it” and are too exhausted to think about anything other than sleep and lack there-of:

Don’t get stuck in the bad.

Don’t forget to focus on all the good. One day soon we’ll give everything to be back in that rocking chair for just one more 2 A.M. cuddle.

How do you snap out of the bad moments of motherhood?

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Kristin is a mom to a 2 year old daughter and 6 month old son. Pre-motherhood she worked in the corporate marketing and public relations world. She is now a stay-at-home-mom and writer, penning all of the emotions, joys, and hardships of motherhood. You can find her blogging regularly over at The Mommy Project, San Diego or follow her daily #momlife shenanigans on Instagram @KristinHelms_writer.

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Enjoy your time at home!