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Home » motivation » Stuck in the Bad Moments of Motherhood

Stuck in the Bad Moments of Motherhood

Venting our bad moments of mothrthood to our mom tribe helps us get rid of stress, but are you stuck in the bad? Mom Motivation Mondays

Welcome to Mom Motivation Mondays where weekly contributing writers share their motherhood experiences to encourage you to find the joy in being a mom.

{This week: Post by Kristin Helms}

“I was up four times last night…again!” I was complaining (again) to one of my mom friends at the park while we pushed our toddlers on the swing and swayed side to side with our babies in carriers on our chests.

She gave a sympathetic, “Ugh!” sound before replying, “I hear you – last week my daughter was up for three hours straight…in the middle of the night!”

I gasped at the thought of trying to comfort a crying baby for three hours.

There we were, in the thick of it – the baby phase of life where no one sleeps, everyone is on-edge and there’s little hope to hang onto, besides sympathetic words from your fellow mom tribe. The bad moments of motherhood can be overwhelming.

A few of us had recently welcomed our “round two” babies. For the past six months, our play dates were consumed by the topic of “sleep”:

Whose baby is not sleeping and whose baby is sleeping?

What did that mom do differently than I’m doing to get her baby to sleep?

Have you tried this mattress?

Have you read this article?

Do you want to borrow this swaddle?

On and on it went.

We were all tired, pushed to our physical limits, and hyper-focused on fixing our babies’ sleep issues.

“When does it end?” I asked her. “We have to be inching towards a light at the end of the tunnel soon, right? RIGHT?!”

She turned to me with a look of despair and said, “I sure hope so!”

As I loaded my two-year-old and five-month old back into the double stroller and started our trek back home – a living, breathing, sleep-deprived “mombie” – I played the conversation with my friend back in my head. As I thought about our exchange, it just all felt so negative – our tone, our body language, our relentless complaining. It also occurred to me that I should have asked my friend how her husband was doing at his new job, or what she thought about the new episode of Game of Thrones, or what her family’s plans were for the upcoming weekend. I realized that we had spent the last hour-and-a-half at the park discussing sleep, and lack thereof. How exhausting.

And then I had a thought; what if I stopped talking about the bad, especially the things that were hard to control – like newborn sleep habits – and started only talking about the good.  What if I gave myself a “sleep talk” intervention?

That day at the park with my mom-friend, I had been so enthralled with sleep talk that I forgot to share that my son was sitting up on his own now. That when I went to pick him up this morning he started belly laughing for no apparent reason, and I looked down at him and laughed out loud, and we laughed together – back and forth – for 30 seconds straight.

I forgot to share that we tried a new puree this morning – green beans – and he gobbled them right up. My daughter insisted on feeding him and he smiled the biggest, toothless smile every time she shoved the spoon in his mouth.

I forgot to mention that when I rocked him back to sleep at 2 A.M., I stayed in the rocking chair a little longer than necessary, smelling his little bald head and soaking up his cuddles, because I could sense that he was getting bigger and more independent and I knew our rocking chair cuddle moments were fleeting.

I forgot to mention that his new bath time routine involves kicking his legs so fast that he splashes his sister, and they both laugh at each other which melts me to my core.

I forgot to share all the good.

And by forgetting to share the good, I found myself lost in the bad.

I had listened to my own sleep-deprived sob-story one too many times and its negative energy, performed by the world’s smallest and most off-key violin, was deafening!

Enough!

Instead of focusing on the one issue I was having with my baby, I would now focus on the countless other things in our lives that were good – more than good, actually – the best!

Now don’t get me wrong – one of the greatest perks of having a trusty mom tribe, is that you’re allowed to vent to them about the hard days, and turn to them for ideas or suggestions – every mom needs that kind of support when navigating the open seas of motherhood! But, it’s also a slippery slope to only discuss the hardships instead of sharing all of the amazing moments in motherhood – the ones that shake you to your core and are forever imprinted into your brain and soul. We must remember to also share those good moments!

Two things happened when I made the vow to myself to only focus on the good:

  1. My son continued to be a horrible sleeper, but I didn’t care as much. Yes, I was still an exhausted mom, but I was choosing to focus on all of the happiness and joy he brought me and our family every day. In turn, I was happier.
  2.  I began to enjoy conversations with my mom tribe again. The negative hints and hopeless remarks were replaced with the sharing of funny baby stories and heartwarming moments in time – you know, the good stuff.

Let this be a public service announcement to all the mamas who are in “the thick of it” and are too exhausted to think about anything other than sleep and lack there-of:

Don’t get stuck in the bad.

Don’t forget to focus on all the good. One day soon we’ll give everything to be back in that rocking chair for just one more 2 A.M. cuddle.

A weekly series of motivation for moms brought to you by stay at home mom bloggers at The Stay-at-Home Mom Survival Guide.

How do you snap out of the bad moments of motherhood?

Venting our bad moments of mothrthood to our mom tribe helps us get rid of stress, but are you stuck in the bad? Mom Motivation Mondays


Kristin Helms of The Mommy Project San Diego.Kristin is a mom to a 2 year old daughter and 6 month old son. Pre-motherhood she worked in the corporate marketing and public relations world. She is now a stay-at-home-mom and writer, penning all of the emotions, joys, and hardships of motherhood. You can find her blogging regularly over at The Mommy Project, San Diego or follow her daily #momlife shenanigans on Instagram @KristinHelms_writer.


 

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May 22, 2016 by Jaimi Erickson 12 Comments Filed Under: motherhood, motivation Tagged With: infants, MMM contributors, newborn, sleep deprivation, sleep issues

Comments

  1. Rebecca says

    May 24, 2016 at 12:44 pm

    It’s my theory that those sleepless infant months actually do take twice as long because you’re awake both day and night, especially when you’ve got a toddler too. I’ve been there. I feel your pain, Kristin. I have a preteen now, and I actually was just thinking about this same idea of focusing on the positive. Between the mood swings and the emotional outbursts, she’s actually a really great kid that it’s fun to spend time with her. I need to follow your example and talk more about what I love and admire about my daughter. Especially since I know she’s listening.

    Thank you, Jaimi, for sharing this!

    Reply
    • Kristin Helms says

      May 24, 2016 at 4:09 pm

      Hi Rebecca, thanks for your comment – so nicely said! And that theory makes total sense – when you’re in the thick of it – it feels like eternity! While I’m not to the pre-teen stages yet, I can imagine they are trying as well. Come to think of it, I’m sure each stage of motherhood has its moments where we need to step back and refocus our attention on all the good. We’re lucky mamas! 🙂

      Reply
  2. Angela says

    May 24, 2016 at 2:16 am

    Kristin and Jami, this has been on my mind a lot lately. I’ve been finding myself screaming and yelling trying to get my two year old to listen to me. There are moments when I do lose it, moments I want to hide in the bathroom and cry…but then there are moments when even in the middle of his naughtiness I stop and laugh, not because what he’s doing is okay, but because it’s just him trying to test my limits and figure things out. He has no idea he’s driving me nuts. He’s just being a kid. I love this. Thanks for sharing. xo.

    Reply
    • Kristin Helms says

      May 24, 2016 at 4:11 pm

      Thanks for your comment Angela! And I completely agree – it’s hard not to get caught up in the moment, but when you step back I’m sure you can see the humor – especially with these little opinionated two year olds! haha! xo

      Reply
  3. Maureen says

    May 23, 2016 at 9:19 pm

    As a mom that’s in the thick of it right now, I appreciate this great reminder. I don’t want to miss out on celebrating all the precious moments that come along with this stage of sleeplessness.

    Reply
    • Kristin Helms says

      May 24, 2016 at 4:12 pm

      Right there with you mama! It does feel good to know we’re not alone during this season of motherhood. Cheers to looking at the bright side! 🙂

      Reply
  4. Michelle says

    May 23, 2016 at 5:11 pm

    I love this! Focusing on the good can have such powerful effect on our parenting, relationships, and how we view life. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
    • Kristin Helms says

      May 24, 2016 at 4:12 pm

      You’re so right – that this concept can be applied to really everything in our lives. Thanks for your insightful comment.

      Reply
  5. Abigail says

    May 23, 2016 at 11:03 am

    My husband and I were just having this exact conversation last night! I 100% agree. I’m glad to know we are not the only people who feel this way!

    Reply
    • Kristin Helms says

      May 24, 2016 at 4:13 pm

      Absolutely! We’re all in this parenting journey together! 🙂

      Reply
      • Betty says

        May 24, 2016 at 7:58 pm

        Amen mommas!

        Reply

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    May 22, 2016 at 2:12 pm

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