“It takes a village,” was said to me at a baby shower once and I nodded along like I knew where mine was. I didn’t. My mom was two states away, and most of my friends didn’t have kids yet, so they were still sleeping in on weekends and, understandably, not that keen on my 6 am texts.
I don’t think that’s unusual anymore. Plenty of us are doing this without the big extended family around the corner. The village is still out there, I reckon, it’s just scattered, and you have to go and collect it bit by bit.
The practical stuff (start here)
Honestly the boring help is the help that changes your week. Anything that knocks a job off the list gives you back a little bit of brain.
And look after your own body first, which I know, I know. But how many afternoons have you realized the only thing you’ve had since breakfast is half a coffee that went cold on the bench? Not drinking enough water can leave you feeling flat and a bit snappy. If you’re breastfeeding, it’s worth asking your GP or midwife how much you should be aiming for. Some families set up a cooler in the kitchen and organize spring water delivery, which means no more dragging bottles through the car park with a toddler hanging off you. Kids can often pour their own drink from a cooler too. Handy, when “Mom, can I have some water?” is on repeat.
Grocery delivery helps. So does cooking double on Sunday. A shared calendar on both phones stopped at least a few “wait, that was today?” moments. Small things, not magic.
Someone to watch the kids
Sometimes you just need another grown-up in the room for an hour or two.
If the budget stretches, a nanny or a regular babysitter is worth it. Grandparents, if they’re close and willing, even one afternoon a week. A babysitting swap with a friend you trust costs nothing: she has your lot Tuesday morning, you have hers Thursday, and you both get to go to the dentist without a small person licking the chair.
Even tiny breaks count. A shower nobody bangs on the door during. Twenty minutes sitting in the parked car finishing a podcast. Don’t talk yourself out of those. Fitting in me time can be done even with littles around.
Your people
This one’s harder to arrange. Motherhood can be weirdly lonely, which makes no sense when you’re literally never alone, but there it is.
Try a few things: mothers’ groups, playgroups, the rhyme-time session at your local library. Some you’ll love. Some you’ll leave after one awkward morning tea, and that’s fine, you only need one or two people you can message when everything’s gone pear-shaped by 10 am.
Online groups can get you through the night feeds too. Pick carefully though.
If you’ve got a partner, talk about the invisible stuff, not only the chores. Who remembers the immunisations? Who notices the shoes are too small? Who knows it’s spare-clothes day at daycare? That thinking work is tiring, and it tends to land on one person unless you say something.
When it’s time for a professional
Your doctor or the local child and family health nurse can help with questions about sleep, feeding and how you’re going in yourself. If you’ve felt low or anxious or just not like you for more than a couple of weeks, say so out loud to someone qualified. Perinatal mental health support is there for exactly that.
Then there’s behavior. All kids have their moments, the tantrums, the boundary-pushing, the meltdown because the banana broke in half. Usually that passes. For some families though, particularly those raising a child with disability or autism, it can go a lot further than a phase. Kids hurting themselves or someone else. Meltdowns most days. Outings getting so hard the family mostly stays home.
If that’s you, please know there’s help, and it’s more practical than people expect. Positive behaviour support is an evidence-informed approach, and it may be funded through the NDIS for eligible participants. A practitioner tries to work out what’s behind the behaviour (communication, routines, the environment, sensory stuff) and then puts together a plan with you. Parents often value the coaching side of it, because you’re not left holding the strategies on your own. Where and how support happens depends on the provider. It might be at home or somewhere else, and practitioners may work with the family, carers and other people involved in your child’s care.
How support is delivered varies a lot across Australia, though. In regional and remote areas, families may have fewer local providers to choose from. In the bigger cities there’s usually more choice, and some practitioners will come to you. Across Sydney, for instance, some providers work with children at home, at school and out in the community, from the Northern Beaches to Parramatta and down to the Sutherland Shire.
If you’re searching for positive behavior support in Sydney, a good first step is checking your child’s NDIS plan and what funding is available for behavior support. The NDIS currently lists behavior support under Capacity Building (Improved Relationships), though what each child can access depends on their own plan and circumstances. A support coordinator can usually help you make sense of it.
And you, somewhere in all this
Moms are brilliant at putting themselves last and then quietly falling off the list altogether. A walk, a chapter of a book, lunch at the table instead of standing over the sink; it isn’t spoiling yourself, it’s keeping the engine running.
Nobody builds their village in a week. Mine’s a neighbour, a couple of group chats, one very patient friend and a GP I actually like. It took a while. It’s worth it.
