It was one of those days. Days like this are when I think I fail as a mom. At first, that is how it feels. My limit was reached by 10 AM…at a school assembly…with all 4 kids…and 3 were crying. Both babies wanted to be out of the stroller or held. My 3 year old kept asking me (every minute), “When are we going to go to the playground?” I was hearing 25% of what the PTA president was sharing. The thought, “My husband has it too easy,” flashed through my head…a few times.
That afternoon the cry fest occurred. Tantrum after whine after obstinate response. I think my children plotted to all melt down at the same time because it was just too much. I started telling them that-“It is just too much to have you all crying and upset at the same time.” (I used a soft, calm voice, but my truth needed to be shared.)
When my 3 year old is crying over everything, I want to solve the problem…I view a tantrum as a situation that needs a solution, but often there isn’t one. I feel like I fail as a mom.
I get overwhelmed with not knowing what to do: How to solve the problem of a 3 year old’s emotional meltdowns? How to hold two babies at one time the entire afternoon?
My mind strays to self doubt:
I must not have taught them well enough, or set the right example.
I must have done it wrong!
I am failing at motherhood if my children are not behaving in the exact way I desire.
Today was challenging, 3 of my 4 children were needing me every moment. No break, no me time, no quiet moments-good moms manage to have children who sleep through the night by 6 weeks old, potty train before 3, sit still during school assemblies and certainly do not have children who throw tantrums past two years old, right?
If all that equals success, then I have failed as a mom.
When I Think I Fail As a Mom: Perspective Shifts
My heart hurts when my kids fail, when they miss the lesson I taught them, or when they act out at the wrong moment. It is almost something-a pain-I can feel. Motherhood is this thing that is so big and so changing. It can’t be nailed down.
This is the real lesson, isn’t it? The lesson of not judging ourselves. The lesson of not being so self-focused that we forget about actually parenting and let the obsession with an ideal of motherhood suck us down.
My presence with my children is what matters.
I was there to teach through the tantrums. I was there to hold the babies.
That is success. That is the lesson. When I think I fail as a mom, I need to remember these facts and not let my emotions take over.
Today felt challenging. It felt like failure but it was just struggle. The lessons were taught because I was there to teach them.
Each day waking up to attack another 24 hour cycle of being mom, that is the success. I did not give up just because it felt hard. I did not push them away just because they needed me every moment. Each day that I think I fail as a mom and I do not give up is ultimately the day I succeed.
Children challenge us just as we challenge others. The good days must be weighed against the bad. Let’s succeed for another day!
Hi there! Welcome to my little corner of the internet. My name is Jaimi, and I am a mom who love to encourage other mothers in the season of raising children, making a home, and staying focused on the end goals of motherhood.