It was one of those days. Days like this are when I think I fail as a mom. At first, that is how it feels. My limit was reached by 10 AM…at a school assembly…with all 4 kids…and 3 were crying. Both babies wanted to be out of the stroller or held. My 3 year old kept asking me (every minute), “When are we going to go to the playground?” I was hearing 25% of what the PTA president was sharing. The thought, “My husband has it too easy,” flashed through my head…a few times.
That afternoon the cry fest occurred. Tantrum after whine after obstinate response. I think my children plotted to all melt down at the same time because it was just too much. I started telling them that-“It is just too much to have you all crying and upset at the same time.” (I used a soft, calm voice, but my truth needed to be shared.)
When my 3 year old is crying over everything, I want to solve the problem…I view a tantrum as a situation that needs a solution, but often there isn’t one. I feel like I fail as a mom.
I get overwhelmed with not knowing what to do: How to solve the problem of a 3 year old’s emotional meltdowns? How to hold two babies at one time the entire afternoon?
My mind strays to self doubt:
I must not have taught them well enough, or set the right example.
I must have done it wrong!
I am failing at motherhood if my children are not behaving in the exact way I desire.
Today was challenging, 3 of my 4 children were needing me every moment. No break, no me time, no quiet moments-good moms manage to have children who sleep through the night by 6 weeks old, potty train before 3, sit still during school assemblies and certainly do not have children who throw tantrums past two years old, right?
If all that equals success, then I have failed as a mom.
When I Think I Fail As a Mom: Perspective Shifts
My heart hurts when my kids fail, when they miss the lesson I taught them, or when they act out at the wrong moment. It is almost something-a pain-I can feel. Motherhood is this thing that is so big and so changing. It can’t be nailed down.
This is the real lesson, isn’t it? The lesson of not judging ourselves. The lesson of not being so self-focused that we forget about actually parenting and let the obsession with an ideal of motherhood suck us down.
My presence with my children is what matters.
I was there to teach through the tantrums. I was there to hold the babies.
That is success. That is the lesson. When I think I fail as a mom, I need to remember these facts and not let my emotions take over.
Today felt challenging. It felt like failure but it was just struggle. The lessons were taught because I was there to teach them.
Each day waking up to attack another 24 hour cycle of being mom, that is the success. I did not give up just because it felt hard. I did not push them away just because they needed me every moment. Each day that I think I fail as a mom and I do not give up is ultimately the day I succeed.
Children challenge us just as we challenge others. The good days must be weighed against the bad. Let’s succeed for another day!
As I was reading, all I could think of is how incredibly BRAVE you were to take 3 little ones to a school assembly… YIKES! You go mom!!!
Anne, it's either brave or crazy. 🙂 It all worked out in the end, but definitely was a bit of a challenge to say the least.
Oy, I've had those days too, Jaimi. I have a mini-version of that at the end of the day when I'm alone with all three kids lol. And just a few weeks ago at back to school night, I wondered why my 4-year-old STILL can't sit and listen to the teacher (never mind that that was a rare occurrence—he's usually very good).
I think it's so important to remember their good moments. Just tonight, all three kids were eating their dinners so well—no complaints, finished it all, it was great. I told my husband, "We have to remember this moment so that when they complain about food in the future, we know it's not always like that."
Oh, Nina, that is so incredibly true! Remembering the "good moments" help so much in getting through the not so good ones. Thank you for sharing that!
Thank you for the perspective check! We, Moms, all have those moments — and sometimes it's not our calm voices that come out. Hang in there and thanks for the post.
I appreciate those words of wisdom, Deborah! I love your blog and your experience is so valuable.
I only have one little guy, but I do sometimes if I'm doing it right. This is an awesome article to remind you what it's really all about! Thanks
Thank you, Caroline! Many moms have those moments of doubt no matter how many kiddos we have. 😉