Welcome to Mom Motivation Mondays where weekly contributing writers share their motherhood experiences to encourage you to find the joy in being a mom.
{This week: Post by Kristin}
It’s been almost 3 years now since I shut the door to my office for the last time. They say that motherhood changes you, and when you’re pregnant you just nod your head and pretend to understand, but you don’t really get it. You don’t get it until the first time you hold your perfect little human that you created and then the light bulb goes off – I’ll never be the same.
I remember standing in the doorway of my old office — taking it all in one last time. Marketing reports and invoices all neatly filed away, my dark wooden desk looking unusually put-together without stacks and stacks of “to-dos”, artwork from past and soon-to-be ads pinned on my “vision boards”, and the sun slowly setting behind palm trees waltzing in the wind outside the floor-to-ceiling windows. “See you in a few months,” I thought to myself as I rubbed my 9-month pregnant belly and turned off the light.
Letting go of the reins I had gripped — white knuckled — for the past 5 years of an all-consuming role was tough. I put sweat and tears into that job; it was my very existence. During my 5 year stint at my dream job:
- I received 2 promotions and 4 raises.
- I received awards and recognition regularly for producing quality work.
- I received countless compliments on my work from my boss and my peers.
- I put in long hours and worked hard at that job and I relished in the rewards – both tangible and egotistical.
- I was confident that the work I produced was valued, and that in turn, made me feel important in life.
Everyone’s light bulb is different and shines light on different paths for each, but mine clearly illuminated a path for me as a stay-at-home mom. I knew in my bones I couldn’t go back to work. Luckily our financial stability allowed me to make the leap from the corporate world, and I plunged 110% into my new role as a stay-at-home mom.
3 years of an all-consuming role is tough. I put sweat and tears into this job; it is my very existence. During my three year stint at my new dream job (as a stay-at-home mom):
- I have yet to be promoted. And raises don’t exist when you’re not getting paid.
- I’ve received zero awards and very little recognition.
- I’ve received a handful of compliments on my work from my boss(es) – my children — and my peers – my husband.
- I put in long hours working hard at this job and, forget tangible and egotistical rewards (I do not get paid and I can’t say that making it to the grocery store and back in one piece with a stained shirt and cheerios in my hair really “feeds the ego”).
- I’m not confident in the work I produce — I question my every motherly decision and then I question it again and over analyze it because this is not some “work project”, these are the lives of two adorable little humans and I’m responsible for keeping them alive and thriving.
- I hardly feel valued, and that in turn, sometimes makes me feel unimportant in life.
The terms and conditions of this new gig, as listed above, were hard for me to swallow at first. No praises or raises for a job well done? Not feeling valued in my hard – extremely hard – work? I love being home with my children, of course – any mother would! But, what about the part of me that needs a good ol’ pat on the back? What about the part of me that needs to hear that I’m doing a good job, and that what I’m doing day in and day out, matters. In corporate life, smart companies encourage employees with raises, praises, compliments, and awards to keep them happy and working hard. So where’s the encouragement for the stay-at-home mom?
About six months into my new life as a stay-at-home Mom, I learned this: the encouragement comes from within.
Chances are, your 6 month old – or even 6 year old – isn’t going to turn to you regularly and say, “Mom, I really appreciate what you do for me every day – you’re doing an excellent job. Thank you for taking care of me — you rock!”
And your wonderful partner, no matter how doting, isn’t going to give you an award – let alone a regular “thank you” — for doing the dishes, folding the laundry, and keeping the house together.
So you’re left with yourself. No one knows how to praise you better than you – you know exactly what you need to hear! And what may seem like mundane or “easy” tasks to the outside world, you and I both know take a small act of God to complete with children in the mix.
- You cooked dinner with a toddler running around like a headless chicken and a baby on your hip? Please accept this award of domestic goddessness.
- You ran 3 errands intermingled with 2 nursing stops all while calming a fussy newborn? You’re now promoted to Multi-tasker Mom Manager – congrats!
- You potty trained your toddler – like, for real this time? You’ve earned yourself a kid-free pedicure and a latte on Sunday morning – just a little ego boost for a job well done, mama!
While the examples above are light-hearted, the serious point is this: find peace in knowing that what you do as a stay-at-home mom – day in and day out – matters — whether you’re rewarded, praised, complimented, promoted or not. The little victories accomplished in your everyday life are huge wins when you step back and look the big picture of raising children, and your time and attention given to your precious little human(s) means the world to them.
They’re lucky to have you. You’re lucky to have you. So give yourself a much-deserved pat on the back. Boost Your Own Confidence, Mama!
Kristin is a mom to a 2 year old daughter and 6 month old son. Pre-motherhood she worked in the corporate marketing and public relations world. She is now a stay-at-home-mom and writer, penning all of the emotions, joys, and hardships of motherhood. You can find her writing regularly over at Tribe Magazine or follow her daily #momlife shenanigans on Instagram @KristinHelms_writer.
I left a 12-year career 1 week ago to be a SAHM to my 2 YO and 3 MO daughters. I think this is a good read not only for moms in the thick of it, but also for those of us just starting out. That way I dive into this new career making it a habit up front of praising myself and recognizing my own accomplishments, not expecting them from my boss or peers. And when my 2 YO says “Good job mommy!” or my husband says “Wow I can’t believe you got that all done” it’ll feel like a bonus check. Thank you for a great article! You ARE doing a great job! 🙂
I love everything about this. You hit all the real points. Thank you for reminding us moms to be our own cheerleaders, and that what we do really, truly does matter. xo.
Thank you, Angela! We all need to be reminded that we’re awesome sometimes, right? 🙂