There are aspects of parenting that entail daily negotiations which both the child and the parent know about beforehand. This includes being ignored, disruption of daily routine, and instances which ought to be easy but become rather complicated.
Something that we may not give much thought to in our attempts to parent is the concept of structure itself. It has been established through developmental research that predictable environments as well as set rules help in behavior formation among children. If children know what to expect from themselves, then the cases of misbehaviour will be fewer.
For families that have to deal with greater complexity and special needs for children, lack of structured interventions creates stress that impacts the ability of the child to learn, the ability of the parents to cope, and the overall functionality of the family system. The knowledge of why certain behavior occurs and what it serves as is the starting point for development of structured intervention techniques.
Reasons Why Daily Conflicts Have a Pattern
Typically, most conflicts between parents and their children are not just random incidents that appear out of the blue. They usually occur during certain events, due to unfulfilled needs or situations where a child or the parent has reached his/her point of no tolerance. A child who refuses to dress up every morning or gets angry right after school is generally not acting defiantly but has some unmet need that has yet to be addressed.
Realising this does not mean the behaviour is justified. What it does mean is that there is sufficient understanding of the problem to prevent it from happening again. This is one of the very first perspectives that structured support services want families to develop.
The Role of Predictability and Consistency
Children, especially those who suffer from anxiety or any neurodevelopmental disorders, typically react to unpredictable situations very negatively. Inconsistent expectations and rules lead to confusion, making it hard for the child to comprehend what he has to do. Unpredictability creates additional dysregulation that parents find so hard to deal with.
Consistency doesn’t mean rigidity. But it definitely means that the household operates according to some clear rules and expectations that the child can try to anticipate. Predictability decreases the cognitive and emotional load of everyone involved.
Understanding the Behaviour as a Means of Communication
One of the most useful reframes in the structure-based behaviour support approach is seeing the difficult behaviour as some sort of communication. Throwing toys, refusal to comply and shutting down entirely is a way to say something, even if it looks like the expression itself is unacceptable. So, the question is, what does this behaviour want to say?
For example, the child gets stressed while doing homework. This situation indicates that he feels overwhelmed or lacks some skills, but not that he wants to rebel against his parents’ demands. Addressing the problem instead of trying to control the behaviour usually helps to solve it permanently.
Creating a Structured Approach Tailored to Your Family
General behavioural advice rarely takes into account the particular dynamics of each particular family. Something that worked with one child will never help you with your kid. A structured approach, on the other hand, suggests that the family notices its unique patterns, identifies triggers and develops response strategies for them.
This is where professional assistance makes its biggest contribution. A well-crafted positive behaviour support plan provides the family with all these observations systematised and explains what kinds of proactive approaches should be used to work with the child’s individual needs.
Proactive Strategies Rather Than Reactive Ones
Reactive responses are usually used because they are immediate and obvious. The child behaves badly; the parent reacts. But reactive strategies don’t do anything to change the conditions that led to the problem.
Proactive strategies, however, work in another way. They involve making some adjustments to the environment and the child’s routine before the problem appears. Providing transition warnings between activities, building in the sensory breaks and simplifying some frustrating tasks, for example. These small changes to the environment usually have a great impact on the behaviour.
Parenting Self-Care as an Integral Part of a Structured Approach
When we discuss the child’s behaviour, it is natural to think about his needs only. But the parent’s well-being is important too. The parents who feel depleted and unsure of themselves will hardly be able to respond to the child’s difficulties in a calm and balanced manner.
This point is acknowledged by most structured support strategies. When parents feel like they understand the strategy and know the rationale behind it, they tend to act much more confidently and don’t feel so reactive.
Structure as the Tool for Better Relationships With the Child
There is a common myth that structuring the child’s behaviour is some kind of cruel treatment. In reality, it’s just the opposite. When there is a mutual understanding of what you are working for and how, everyday friction gets smaller, and the relations between the parent and the child have much more space to develop.
Structure here is not some kind of constraint. It’s a support that allows things to stay in place until something new can be accomplished. And every family deserves such support.
