Caring for an elderly parent can be extremely overwhelming. Add raising a child, possibly working part-time or full-time, and other life responsibilities, and BAM! You’re in the middle of extreme overwhelm. How can you manage all these different spinning plates without becoming entirely emotionally and physically drained? It’s not easy, but it is possible.
Caring for An Aging Parent
Try to Assess the Situation Without Guilt
It’s really important to evaluate the condition of your aging parent and weigh that with the other commitments in your life. Aging adults may develop medical conditions that cause them to have more intense health needs. You don’t have to take that on alone.
It’s okay to feel overwhelmed and even guilty, but don’t let that stop you from contemplating how to lighten the load. Try to accept the realities of finite time and energy. Consider looking into ways to help understand and process other complex emotions that may come up when seeing our parents age in real time—options include professional support, community programs, or contacting good friends or close family.
Take Time for Yourself
Taking care of yourself is not a luxury. If you don’t take care of yourself and your needs, you will compromise the quality of support and care you can provide to others in the long run. Schedule time during the day to take a short walk or make your favorite beverage and sip it slowly until it’s finished. Plan longer self-care activities at least once a week, such as going to the spa or getting a massage.
Prioritizing breaks and relaxation means you can think more clearly, plan better, and handle tough decisions with a refreshed and grounded mindset. While it may feel selfish to take time for yourself during challenging or stressful family moments, keep in mind that you can’t take care of anyone if you are injured, sick, or burned out yourself.
Ask for Help
No single person can do everything for everyone, as much as moms everywhere know a thing or two about spinning plates. If you dedicate more time to an aging parent or relative, you might have to find alternatives for tasks you typically perform for your family or job. Perhaps you can arrange a carpool with a neighbor or friend to get your kids to school in the morning. After-
school programs can be an excellent option for childcare management, or you can ask a sibling to assist with caregiving duties.
Decide if Nursing Home is the Right Choice
Many people mistakenly promise their aging parents that they will never place them in a care facility. However, it’s essential to acknowledge that when you’re juggling multiple roles—raising children, working, or any other commitments—providing quality care for an elderly parent with complex needs may be too much. That does not reflect negatively on you as a person. Again, it
does not reflect negatively on you as a person, a mom, or a daughter.
A nursing home could be a good option for your elderly parent. Not only is there round-the-clock medical service for emergencies or complex procedures, but staff are also available to assist with personal care like essential health maintenance, nutrition, or other critical daily needs. As long as you continue to visit your parent regularly, there’s no reason to feel bad that you are not the one personally providing care and safety.
Choosing a nursing home
Should you choose to transfer the care of an elderly parent to a nursing home, it’s crucial to choose the right one. Safety and proximity should be top priorities. You want a facility that is clean, appropriately staffed, and that has positive reviews.
If possible, always visit a potential nursing home in person to observe the residents’ perceived happiness and to check how the staff interacts with them. Be sure to interview nurses and other staff and ask how they handle medication, emergencies, or anything specific that could apply to your parent.
Look for data that could indicate if the nursing home could be susceptible to elder abuse or neglect. While elder abuse in nursing homes is not usually intentional, staff shortages, burnout, or improper training could lead to overly stressed or incompetent personnel. Look for information about nursing home falls, cases of bed sores, sepsis, and the frequency of injuries
on the premises.
Conclusion
Balancing all the ins and outs of life is challenging, but when you add the often tricky emotional task of seeing your parents aging and having to care for them…it can feel impossible to do it all. Remember that you do not exist on an island. Let your community, friends, and family help you—and don’t feel discouraged to consider a nursing home or other type of residential facility.
Evaluate your options, remember self-care, and do your due diligence when considering alternative types of care. And don’t forget to spend as much quality time with your parent as possible!